GeminiRoar: What ever happen to karma?

@GeminiLion Hi GeminiLion socialising is really tough at times (I know first hand lol). Good on you for giving it a go and don't stop sooner rather than later you will find the perfect group for you 🙂 As for karma I believe if you try to put out good into the world good will come back to you. People are not perfect beings and we all make mistakes. I am a spiritual person and believe there is only one being that truly knows us and who we should try and please other than him/her what other people think of you or talk about you is of little consequence. greenpea

I was going to start a fresh post but I don't want to create million and one posts all from me. So apologise to GreenPea who earlier responded.

I keep telling myself to stay away from social media. As mentioned, I run a few pages. Some are local but also international. I like being anomyous. While busy someone was preying who was running a page I help admin (usually just me). I'm making assumption but I think this woman has something to do with the group or people I mentioned I had problems with (or its in my head). I also feel people are against me (why I like to remain anomyous). One of the other admin who doesn't really do much tbh step in for me and answered her query and did well not revealling anyone involved while putting her in her place. She did well although I did read between the lines of an emotional response. I'm glad I didnt have to deal with it (full stop)

Anyway.. feel like just isolating myself further. I tell myself not to read the news and especially the comments but cannot help myself and correct people remarks. No nasties thankfully but I set my self up when someone gets grumpy or upset being corrected etc. And I get sick of reading all the stupid whining for sake of whining comments. I got to stop reading social media. Just hope on to share stuff through the pages I help admin then leave. Lets say just 30 mins max each morning (you can just share to pages without going into social media platforms itself during the day).

Watching Ladybird atm on Foxtel and while it isnt meant to be, I find it depressing. I feel so alone. Never had intimacy, relationship, basics, friends, etc etc. I am not going to play the violin. Looked up Meetup but nothing. Gave up trying to get volunteer role. Catch 22. No references. My pdoc said start my own group and out of the three different groups I tried to start (a sobriety group; art; and lgbti+ for younger people) I only got two people interested in the lgbti+ (although they werent interested in meeting outside of fb). I later either archived or stop advertising to form a group. Just for the record I still help admin three fb groups. Two of which remain active daily (only because of me). I was actually thinking of archiving the third due to inactivity by all involved (I changed it from shared friendship to mental health group this year but despite approx 150 members no one interacts).

I did get into painting last night. FINALLY!! and in 20 minutes will force myself back in front of the easel. So hard to get motivated but once I start I am in my own little world.

I have really blabbered on and no one probably listening or maybe laughing who knows. I'm fresh here. Just me and my cat. I speak cat meow really good. Move over Dr Dolittle. Anyway.. quickly do a SuSI week and go to the studio.

Hi @GeminiLion

Creativity helps me, but also can be really difficult to keep practise. I have seen you around a little.

Today I had a subtle very cool interaction with a juvenile crocodile whilst I was volunteering at the zoo. Started it by speaking Miaow. Guess crocs get cats too ...

I got into painting again last night. Even if it was just two hours it felt a sense of accomplishments. Doing the SuSI has help me. I'm up to week 11 on ALL the courses they offer.

Dad hurt his arm of all places, at the doctor's clinic yesterday. So that will take up more time. Lucky I'm available. But I worry the day that comes and he isnt here. What will happen to me?

My big issue is that I want relationship/intimacy and child of my own. I am still a teenager with no experiences. I'm not ugly either, and I have dad's genes where I look about 5-10 years younger than my true age. My right arm/shoulder gets in the way and is really painful again (be nice to be able to do proper exercises like I use to when I was younger).

Another day...