Not sure where to turn...

Hi @sellqui3 and welcome to the forum

You are not burdening anyone with your thoughts and feeling here - that is what we are here for - to share and support each other.

It seems like a very difficult situation you are in. It is not easy being in a different country let alone being on your own. Whist I understand that you have very strong feelings about your cousin wanting to go home it is their decision and not one you can change. I understand that increases your feelings of loneliness and feel let down but if you choose to stay then you have to do things that are right for you.

That stuck feeling has been felt by many of us here and is hard to get out of when you feel like everything is against you are falling apart. Do you have any prospects for work? Being able to find a job would certainlly help with meeting other people as well as feeling less stuck. Have you met any people where you are staying that you can talk to about some of this?

We are certainly here to support you the best we can so do not feel like you are burdening anyone - this is a very caring community and I hope you find it as supportive as I do. If you have any questions then ask - someone will be around to answer them for you. Again - welcome to the forum

Hello @sellqui3 welcome to the forum. Don't worry about burdening anyone here - we're all in it together.

I did something similar to you when I was young, sort of in reverse. I went to the UK, just shy of 18, on my own. I broke my arm very badly and assumed I'd have to go home. To my surprise I could get medical care in the UK. And the fact that I could go home if I had to, was a safety net. I ended up staying 3 years.

Try not to put pressure on yourself re the possibility of going home. It's one option. It may ease the pressure a bit if you set a time frame. If things are really tough, and no job turns up after 6 weeks (or whatever you feel you can manage), going home may be the best option. It may feel like that would be giving up and failing, but in time the decision would become smaller in the perspective of your life as a whole. You sound like you have plenty of time to try different things - some of them you may look back on as an adventure/misadventure but they don't have to define your whole life.

In the mean time, what has helped you deal with anxiety and BPD in the past? Is there something that could help you get a foothold? I don't know what the situation is re accessing Drs here, but could that be an option?

I hope you can get out and see a bit of the place you're in too. Walk, feel the sun. And come back here and chat whenever you like.

I'll tag you in an introductory thread and hopefully you can link up with some other people. Thinking of you.

Welcome to the forum @sellqui3 and thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds incredibly frustrating, especially when you feel that someone you trust has let you down. It's great that your support network is checking in on you to make sure you are ok, please know that you aren't being a burden on anyone.

Whatever decision you make is going to the right for the moment. In the time you've already had here, what activities/sightseeing have you been doing? Is there anything that you want to see while you are here?

Thank you everyone for taking time to reply to me. It really means a lot to know that there are people out there, who i dont know at all, who are willing to offer their help, support and kind words.

I was working as a designer in London but since i've been here i've applied to design jobs and have had no luck - i've been to a couple of interviews but nothing has materialised and ive receieved a few rejection letters, all things that add to my upset and sense of failiure.

I keep feeling like i want to give up and go home just like my cousin but i know my family are rooting for me and i would hate to feel like id disappointed them as well as waste my time and money when i could be working back in London and never done any of this in the first place.

I've tried to go out and do things i find enjoyable - i specifically like art exhibitions and books - but i feel like i should be spending my time looking for more jobs so when i do go out or do anything other than that, i feel guilty. I've also spent the majority of my time here working on project breifs for the design job interviews and working on my portfolio, so when my job applications are rejected i feel like i've doubly wasted my time and i'm just a terrible designer whos never going to work again.

I know i sound so defeatist and woe-is-me and i wish i could get out of this horrible mood and start feeling more positive. I try and listen to lots of positive speaking podcasts and watch things that cheer me up but nothing seems to work and all i do is cry. I just feel like i've wanted this experience (to be in another country) for so long and now im here, its not working out and i've caused myself and my family a lot of wasted energy and money because i cant do it and im just not good enough.

In the past i've had to see various psycologists and counsellors about my depression, BPD and anxiety and i've found talking about it helpful for a while but my moods are so erratic its hard to not feel continuously exhausted and like i cant go on. I've been in hospital before because of an attempt and it took me out of university for a year. I had to rebuild my life and i'm very concious about never having to do that again as its a constant worry in my mind that i could go back to that. However at the moment i'm having to battle with feeling like i want to have another breakdown so i can get out of this constant feeling of not knowing what to do or where im going to live or looking for jobs. Its almost like breaking down would solve my issues so it takes away the crippling responsibility im facing by doing all of this alone and with mental health challenges.

Again, im sorry for just going on and on about this. I just wish i had some clarity. x

@sellqui3 It seems like you really need to be able to talk to someone about what is going on for you so you can work through some of it. The first point of call is usually your GP but in your postion I am presuming you don/t have one.

@Former-Member would you be able to help out here with places @sellqui3 could access for some extra help?

Hi @Zoe7

Thank you for reaching out on behalf of @sellqui3! It can be so scary taking a leap and deciding to work and travel in another country that is unfamiliar to you @sellqui3 - especially, if you are struggling with mental health issues as well.

If you would like to know more about what services are available to you, it could be helpful calling our SANE Helpline on 1800 18 72 63, or accessing our online chat services, here. This gives us an opportunity to hear more about what is going on for you personally and, thus, refer you to services that would be most appropriate for you.

Take care of yourself, and please reach out if you need!

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

Thank you @Former-Member for providing that additional support information here for @sellqui3

@sellqui3 It can be quite overwhelming when you are in a foreign place with nowhere to turn. I travelled overseas on my own quite a while ago but did not have the same health issues back then. I was escaping my life here in a way and for the first time in a long time I actually felt safe. Long story short - it felt like I could be who I was and have no-one to answer too. I was not looking for work or expecting to stay in one place for too long though like you are.

I expect that is quite daunting - especially if you have not been able to find work and been turned down for positions you have applied for. I am very aware that it is super tough out there looking for work but do not feel like every effort you have put into organising your portfolio or applying for jobs is in vain. You have that all together now and on hand for future applications. It may also mean you need to branch out and look for different work to get your foot in the door somewhere - and that way you can begin to meet people also.

Getting some of those supports in place to help you with your mental health issues woud be a good start too. Please contact the SANE Help Centre so they can help point you in the right direction to do that. You have to look after yourself Hon. The counsellors in the Help Centre are there to help and you can work through some of what you are dealing with and find supports in your area.

Also keep talking here to us as well. We are also here to help support you as peers. It must be pretty scary knowing you came out as a team and now are on your own so anything we can help with - even just another person on the other side of the screen is sometimes all we need. Happy for you to tag me anytime and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Take care @sellqui3 and please do reach out for that extra support

Hi @sellqui3

I can tell you have a terrible condition - it's called HOMESICKNESS and I understand - along with all your BDP, anxiety and depression you miss your home and the place where you understood the environment, the weather, our family and knew people and here you are in this vast country where people seem to speak English but don't actually.

I make short trips to other cities - I was in Hobart for a few days and woke up with a migraine - how I wished I was home - hardly the same but I felt terrible

Regardless of me - I have been homesick in the past to a worse degree and yet I can tell you that whatever you are doing it is never a waste - it is called EXPERIENCE - whatever you do for the rest of your life you have been to AUSTRALIA and this is a big country and if you can't find work you can still travel if you have the cash and I do hope you have -

One thing though - and it's important - don't worry about what other people will think - or their expectations - if you want to go home - then go home - you will have lost nothing because your experiences are your life and this is what you are doing right now - living your life - a hard part

I can hear your disappointment - this was supposed to be the adventure of your life and it is falling through or seems to be and nothing is working out the way your expect and your cousin went home - how disappointing - you would feel let down - I would.

So - you could be in the tropics where the weather will improve or in the south where it won't - you could go north if you choose - you might be on the coast where it's always great or inland where it must be spectacular but still - about your emotional condition - what do you do about that

I can suggest you ring Life Line on 13 11 14 and talk to them - it's a free call from anyone - even on your mobile phone - they can direct you were to find help. Or find a GP and explain your situation to him/her - and sometimes such a person could be a great resource - it's an on-line counselling service and well conducted and private

I can hear you are unhappy - truly - but as I said before - nothing is a waste - you can choose what to do and it will be okay - it's the uncertainty and loneliness of a different country and your emotional state that is rough on you - and I can tell - it is rough

I would like to welcome you to the Forum and I am really glad you found us - you will not be a burden to us at all - as someone else said we are all in this together.

Sending best thoughts

Dec

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