Lack of empathy, remorse, guilt

Hi @Meero . Maybe it’s a good thing to talk to your counsellor about. I don’t think we naturally have empathy towards everyone. I think empathy is an in the moment thing when you can connect with someone and in that moment you have an idea what it’s like to walk in that persons shoes, or you may not know and just be there for them. I don’t think we can be empathetic 24/7 with everyone. I think empathy is a good thing to develop with those closest to you first. I think it’s something that is helpful if you find that anger building at someone to quietly think that we don’t know what is going on for them as much as they don’t know what is going on for us, it helps to not make judgements too quickly. This is only my opinion though, I consider myself to be an empathetic person.

I think if it is something really bothering you it might be good to bring up in DBT or therapy. Best wishes.

Welcome to the forum @Meero! Sometimes empathy can come from our life experiences, a situation that the person is in, and beliefs too, so we tend to empathise with one situation over another. But if you want to get a better understanding of it, @Teej is right, you should talk to your counsellor about it. Have you found that you are more empathetic to people who have had similar experiences to yourself?

Thanks Ali! Absolutely true what you are saying! Yes I read about two types of empathy - Very good article below . With my BPD - I SOMETIMES lack emotionl empathy depending on the experience I am facing with another person or depending on my mood or if I feel hurt or not ... as for cognitive empathy - my ASD is some cause of lack of this one .. but not all time - In some cases where I am really don't like the situation or getting very frustrated and angry - usually I find that the lack of cognitive empathy is firstly manifested and that leads to the lack of emotional empathy.

Just a separate example - and maybe you can tell me what you think : I have always enjoyed playing with my kids .. I was mainly the one that played with them since their young age but the issue was I played with them the way I wanted to play with not in their way. This is because I was doing exactly how my father used to play with me. They usually got frustrated after initially liking it. I just keep on going till they really get upset then I will stop. My intention was not to get them upset but I just enjoyed playing with them my way. I was always told by my ex to stop and lay with them in their way so they can get close to you but I just could not ... it was like .. no that is not me .. I can not be another person .. and I am not interested in their ways or methods of playing .. this even happened till they are now 13 and 15 .. I am still doing the same but to a lesser extent and I think they have had it .. same with my wife .. I joke with her the way I find it funny like I amake up my own songs with jibberish words and tunes and keep repeating it every morning while we are getting ready for work/school etc .. and I know that it will annoy her but I just cant stop ... She says this is due to my ASD but to a lesser extend that my son who is moderate and I am mild on the spectrum ...

https://lesley.edu/article/the-psychology-of-emotional-and-cognitive-empathy