Battered-SavContributor
Suicidal ideation
Hi all, I’m sorry to post something so dark after only having a small amount of contact with you all. I really need to ask for any help or support you might have to offer. I’m really, really struggling right now 😞 I’m stuck in a situation where I’m heavily reliant on my Dad who is very smart and was extremely emotionally abusive growing up before he cut contact; now more than 20 years later I feel like it’s all replaying again and again. I was in so much need when I came here, I was at the lowest point. I am now constantly trying to please those around me but there’s no way, it’s impossible and I can’t avoid conflict no matter how much I submit. His anger is fierce and no matter how much he knows about my fear he can’t control it. I am unraveling and the thought loops are relentless. Last year I thought things couldn’t get worse, I have tried to be positive so many times before when life went dark but now I can’t muster hope. I am not fun or smart or a good friend anymore, I just feel like a source of stress and pain and no matter how hard I try to make sense of this all I can’t think right anymore. I hope this makes sense to some of you, I hope it’s ok to write this. Thank you for listening 🙏💜
