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Avoiding people that makes us feel bad about ourselves

theaveragejoeSenior Contributor02 May 2016, 8:43 am AEST

Avoiding people that makes us feel bad about ourselves

I thought that I share this here in case that my experience may help someone.

I have had to learn this the hard way: "I cannot get on with all people!"

Unfortunately there are some people that will not have much in common with me and will make me feel bad about myself. When this happened in the past I would usually feel drained of energy, stressed, anxious and even depressed after talking to them.

The best thing that I could have done, was to avoid such people, at least temporarily, until I could discuss things with my psychologist and come to a decision. Unfortunately this is something that I have learned recently, because I believed then that one should discuss thing with everyone, and this was simply wrong. It is impossible to get on with everyone.

Today I just avoid people that make me feel bad about myself. I avoid them completely and only speak or communicate with those that are kind, that understand me and make me feel good about myself.

Naturally, this does not mean that a friend cannot be critical with me or that I reject criticism. I don't provided that it is constructive criticism. I like feedback and someone to tell me if I make a mistake. But generally I stay away from people with whom I don't have much in common or do not understand me and this works well for me.

I feel that there is nothing wrong with avoiding people that make me feel bad, I have every right to avoid them and go my peaceful and happy way. My life is like a journey and I like it to be pleasant and there is nothing wrong with that. There is no room for nastiness in my life. It is my life after all.

I will continue to write here from time to time in the hope that sharing my experiences may be helpful to someone but, above all, writing about it is helpful to me. If I get a reply then I am happy and if I don't I am happy just the same. It is wonderful to be able to communicate.

4 replies

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In response to: Avoiding people that makes us feel bad about ourselves

Unknown userMember02 May 2016, 9:40 am AEST

Re: Avoiding people that makes us feel bad about ourselves

Hi @theaveragejoe thanks for sharing your thoughts - I'm so glad that writing about your experience is helpful for you.

It sounds like you have identified when social connection is having either a positive or negative impact on your mental health, and have set up an important boundary in this area of your life. It sounds like you have made some wise decisions lately about who you do and do not think are a positive influence on your life. I do hope you will come to find the friends you meet on the Forums here to be supportive and edifying, rather than leaving you feeling stressed, anxious or depressed.

Do you have any friends or associates that leave you feeling good about yourself?

Look forward to hearing more of your story.

In response to: Avoiding people that makes us feel bad about ourselves

Astrid1Casual Contributor02 May 2016, 4:50 pm AEST

Re: Avoiding people that makes us feel bad about ourselves

Hey there Averagejoe.<br> I totally get what your saying, I always have my biggest problems with people in authority. Especially in the work arena, I can't handle anyone talking down to me. I get along with friends/family fine but work place relationships just destroy me every time. I have been fired from so many jobs for inappropriate emotional outbursts, I've lost count of how many and given up trying to work. My borderline personality disorder has robbed me of my ability to earn a living.

In response to: Re: Avoiding people that makes us feel bad about ourselves

theaveragejoeSenior Contributor02 May 2016, 5:09 pm AEST

Re: Avoiding people that makes us feel bad about ourselves

Thank you for your kind reply, Mosaic,

the people here are great, so far I feel good everytime I write. It is a very good site.

I have had bad experiences with people and it is mostly my fault. But I am doing something about it now.

When I talk about people that make me feed bad about myself it is not that they are necessarily bad, though some are, or that they deliberately go out to hurt me. It is more that they may have very different opinions and ideas that conflict with mine. Usually, in the past, rather than walk away, I have engaged in verbal confrontations and this was very wrong on my part, very immature. There is a time when one has to give up the discussion and move on quitely to avoid escalation into verbal or physical confrontation.

As you know, it is difficult when one has a mental disorder, particularly when thoughts are distorted, to see from another perspective. But, in any case, I am learning. It is a long process.

Yes I have plenty of friends that make me feel good about myself. Thank you again

In response to: Re: Avoiding people that makes us feel bad about ourselves

theaveragejoeSenior Contributor02 May 2016, 5:14 pm AEST

Re: Avoiding people that makes us feel bad about ourselves

Hi there Astrid1,

I totally understand the problems that you faced at work. You are not alone, many people with mental disorders like us have this kind of problem. It is hard to take orders from people that look down on us. And many times it is easy to find bullies at work. Bullies pray on the sensitive people it happens frequently and bullies can be found everywhere.

However, I think that with the help of a good therapist you could learn to develop resiliance to bullies and people who talk down on you. You could learn to ignore it completely and look after your own interest. I have seen it happen, a few friends had this problem. There are therapists that may be able to help you in specific areas if you ask them and I believe that the government covers up to 10 visits per year to a psychologist if you find a good doctor that will send you there.

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