I am worried

@Steve12345 Hi Steve12345 and welcome to the forums. I am sorry you are going through this with your wife. Living with an alcoholic changes who we are for the worst I believe (at least in my case as I grew up with an alcoholic father). I can hear your frustration would she go to counselling with you? My first stop would be to see you gp with your wife. She sounds like she needs to go into rehab to find out exactly why she is drinking (there is always a deep seated cause).

I don't drink anymore as I know due to a childhood of seeing my father drink I have the propensity to become just like him. I have promised my children that I will not drink so I don't however much I am tempted. I know you know what is right by your wife so what you have written is out of shear desperation. Believe me I have in the past enabled my father to drink for a quiet life and I am not proud but at the end of the day we are only human and living with a heavy drinker is hell on earth.

So my advice is to go to your trusted gp with or without your wife (preferably with) and get a referral to a rehab centre and counseller. At the end of the day though it is up to her whether or not she driniks and up to you as to whether you can stand living with it. Please let us know how it all goes. greenpea

Thanks for the reply greanpea. I guess the biggest frustration is we have seemingly tried everything, rehab, hospital, counselling alone and together. Sometimes it has a positive effect for a while, but it always returns.

@Steve12345

You are sounding battle weary my friend and little wonder, dealing with alcohol and substance abuse is very difficult.

You raised a number of points in your initial post and I am wondering if you find the answers to those it will help you make peace with yourself.

I needed to answer some questions myself - the first was why did I stay with my husband when he became unwell, I was often asked why I did not leave him. Once I worked out why and that I was willingly and voluntarily committed to our relationship I realised that if things were going to improve for me/us I needed to ensure that I started to do what was necessary to look after my own physical and mental health. I needed to assess the reality of our situation and work out how to do this in a healthy manner which meant learning how care for myself as well as how to support Mr Darcy appropriately.

I too found I resented couples counselling but I eventually saw the benefits of getting support for myself, initially availing myself of some free counselling sessions through Carers Australia.(who focussed on me as a carer and my needs only), susequently finding a counselor who has helped me so very much - I did see a pscyhologist and a counselor in between who I did not connect with so well - finding a therapist that is the right fit is a bit like finding a personal trainer that suits ones own personality. Additionally, I got some psych education that enabled me to support Mr Darcy in a much better way.

You never know Steve, this next lot of rehab could be the one that helps your wife, but whatever the outcome, can I gently encourage you to get some support for yourself, someone who can perhaps help you navigate through these emotions you are having, especially the ones that are difficult.