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Journey again

BastSenior Contributor22 Mar 2019, 12:38 am AEDT

Journey again

Hi to all wonderful forum people, sometimes I find that the journey just will not end. I strive to "fix it" and ignore it and keep ongoing. As per usual I have no ability to shift denial for the first month. It is so much better to do the stoicism thing. Today yep reality actually seeped through all of my potentially maladaptive defences. It is such a slap in the face & start button for all of the horrid stuff. I write to this forum because people understand and care. I have been questioning my ability from Nov 2018 although there have been periods of pure creativity as a MH practioner. Today I finally recognised that tokenism has been the only way I can keep on going. My practice creativity is so hard to find. The personal resilience is so simply not there for me. I am grateful that I found the resources to undertake an after hours appointment today and I do know that the session was effective for the people I am treating. And I cannot go and undertake 7 counselling sessions tomorrow. This is just so horrible for me to recognise. TBC

2 replies

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In response to: Journey again

utopiaSenior Contributor22 Mar 2019, 8:55 pm AEDT

Re: Journey again

Good to hear from you @Bast ❤.

Sorry things aren't going as hoped.

In response to: Re: Journey again

BastSenior Contributor23 Mar 2019, 7:42 pm AEDT

Re: Journey again

Hi Utopia

Thank you

It so helps me to be part of this forum. I have now (hopefully) figured out what is happening. My usually stable boundaries have crumbled, I am reacting adversely due to the people I am working with that have also experienced the work abuse scenario. Perhaps the current terminilogy is correct, although I do not want to face it. I am likely to be experiencing triggering of the pretty nasty stuff that still resides in my mind. I have self disclosed to one person, why - to try and allow the person to know that I comprehend this fully. It still hurts.I will now have to provide a report to represent my client. This is creating the usual symptoms in me as I will have to go through the WC information that I have left in a bag & ignored for the last couple of years. I will be on a quest for the Psychologist report in order to ensure that my formatting is exemplary. My grief will also be difficult as my psychologist of 5 years died on 11/1/2019.

Intellectually I know that I can do this, however the nightmares & rumination are on rampage. I am still hanging on to avoidance mode. I know that I have to face it as my client is relying upon me for essential support. Another I have advocated for regarding so many similar issues & symptoms. I spent my day yesterday with my doona as my friend - just could not do 7 counselling sessions.I know that I will have to somehow shove on the essential professional persona by Monday. Thank you so much for your kindness in listening to me.

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