Am I just faking it?

@Eden1919 Hi Eden1919 hope you are doing okay atm. To answer your question I never doubt my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. My delusions are so strong and my behaviour so bizarre that even I whilst it is occuring often know that I am in trouble. I know my family believe it as they lived through the worst of it with me but as for people outside my inner circle who knows and I would have to say who cares. I know I am as mad as a hatter without my meds and cannot function sadly without them (although as you know I want to try).

I agree with you having something tangible like being in a wheelchair would make a clear statement to myself and others that I am not well but honestly when I am in the throws of my mi you would have to be uncaring not to notice that I am sick.

This conversation reminds my of my son2 who has autism, epilepsy, a mild intellectual delay and a psychosis (schizophrenia). I would love to at times have a t shirt made for him stating all his problems on it so that people understand him when he is out and about as he looks quite normal and are taken aback when his behavours start.

It is hard but there is nothing to be done unfortunately ....

Hope this helps. Love greenpea xx

Hey @Eden1919 hope you're travelling ok.

I know the feelings of why aren't I doing better/getting better/just like everyone else, but mental illness is real. Like @Bunniekins I don't doubt it these days. I really think that mental illhealth is the last frontier of inequality; we have barely started and the amount of discrimination and stigma in mainstream society can be overwhelming.

Have you heard of self-stigma?...it's when someone begins to believe all the bad messages they hear and see from society at large about their condition/situation/identity. I find two things help me when I'm in that head space. Firstly, connecting with someone who gets - like people here on the forum. Secondly, self compassion. This is a relatively new idea to me. Essentially it means treating yourself like you would a good friend who is suffering in some way. Take care and go easy on yourself.

Hi @Eden1919

Yes i feel like this at times. atm my self esteem is so low and i'm paranoid. blaming myself thinking that I am dumb and useless. I know i'm not faking it though I have been here before and I doubt you are either, Mental Illness Is Real. I also hear you when you talk about proving yourself it can be a difficult emotion to deal with. I'm new here and look foward to sharing and helping where I can. I hope you can feel stronger soon.

Hi @Eden1919 ,

I suffer from depression, anxiety and adjustment disorder. Reading your post was like reading my own thoughts. I sometimes get paranoid that if people see me having a good time they will assume I'm faking it when my mood is not happy. I've also been told over and over to just get over it when it's not that easy when the depression takes over with no reason why or to just calm down and relax when my anxiety leads to a panic attack. My favourite is when people say "smile, you're young, how hard could your life possibly be?

There are days where I feel so exhausted both mentally and physically that just getting out of bed is a massive struggle. On these days my self worth is quite low and I admit that I am not always kind to myself when I choose to just stay in bed all day and accomplish nothing.

It's really hard when things you normally cope with quite well can suddenly become so overwhelming you can't get your mind to focus on getting them done.

I've even been told by 2 of my boss's and HR at work that my physical pain from an injury at work is just in my head as I'm too emotional. It's difficult when people around you are constantly saying things to make you feel like your mental illness is not valid.

BUT IT IS VALID AND SO ARE YOU

Hope you're doing ok and here if you want to talk

Yes, I struggled with those feelings for a long time & sometimes still have trouble untangling myself from my illness. Depression is a great liar & feelings like this can stop you from getting help, so try not to take it on board!

Thanks all. i am not so much upset by these thoughts i just genuinely want to know what is going on. because if it was just a mental blockage in the sense that is was something you conjured up in your own mind for whatever reason then it would be eaiser to fight or get rid of than a persistant lifelong illness which you will never fully escape from..... i dont know i guess i just want to know if i should get my hopes up about certain goals i have for life or if i should set lower expectations so i dont get frustrated. it is hard to know. objectively mental illness isnt good or bad it just is but then what it does to you is the bad part and i wonder if maybe part of me wishes i was just making it up for attention because then i could stop it when i wanted it to stop. it would be in my control i would have a choice in the matter. but if the doctors are right and it is an illness truly then the road i will be forced onto is completely different than that of both my peers and the road i had planned to be taking for my lifelong journey. and it will not have the same room for freedom of choice or the same oportunity to do the things i desire. again it might still be an ok life but it wont be the one i wanted the one that plays out in the back of my mind. and it means a constant fight for the rest of forever. and maybe if i was just making it up then maybe i wouldnt have to fight forever....