Stay or go, absolutely shattered

@Enfj Hi Enfj and welcome to the forum. Firstly I am not going to tell you whether to stay or go that is ultimately your choice.

I have schizoaffective disorder and was married for 23 years before my husband divorced me due to his misunderstanding about my mental illness and my symptoms. He has now said on several occassions that he regrets what he did and wishes he could go back in time now that he understands how sick I was during that time (pre diagnosis) but of course that is impossible the damage is done.

We remain good friends and I enjoy being single and would not want to have a partner let alone date. I have enough on my plate dealing with my illness.

In any relationship there will be ups and downs it is up to you to decide whether there are more ups than downs and then to stick with it in the knowledge that she will need your unjudgemental support when she strays. greenpea

Thanks for the reply, your right and I'm not putting my decision on anyone else, more thinking out loud and trying to get a different perspective and if other people have experienced the same type of thing and what the outcome was, so I can make a informed an rational decision because I've been thinking anything but that the last few days.

I am new to this forum. I don’t have any advice but I think I know how you feel. My husband was recently diagnosed schizophrenic and after his first psychotic episode admitted to multiple adulterous behaviour. I hate him but love him. If not for his illness I think I would have left. It is so hard when you don’t know if it is the person or illness to blame. Any way....all I can say is stay strong.

Thank you for the response, I was in a bit of irrational thinking at the time I posted this, so I waited until I was rational again before making a decision, while it's been hard for the both of us, we decided to stay together, slow things right down, and without judgement start from the start, it was hard to hear everything (mainly because of my own limiting beliefs I had to work through) at first but it has been the honesty that's helping us both, I didn't suggest she do anything, and she has since made a lot of decisions that I know hurt her pride and accepted what she has, I partly wanted to see what she would do without me saying anything to see if she was doing it for me or herself, so I worked on myself, she booked herself into a psychologist and counseling, she put school and work on hold because that's where she was getting her worth from and booked herself into DBT and went on disability, which for her was a massive thing, she practices everyday, has not had anything to cope like drugs and alcohol, she has been talking to family members that had a very bad influence on her that she hasn't spoken to in years to get closure, and let herself be vulnerable, while doing all this memories are coming back, and although hard to hear about her past and while with me, some are made up or different than what happened because of the emotions at the time so I need to take them as they are, by setting boundaries and educating my self along with getting help myself, we are making great progress, if she wasn't doing all these things on her own, I wouldn't have stayed, she is taking responsibility for her actions and not excusing them away because she has these things, but instead learning new coping mechanisms and understanding why she did the things she did so not to do them again, the change and regulation in mood is amazing to watch, plus just being there instead of taking on the care taker role has also helped me, understanding the caretaker role and my issues around it was one of the biggest things I had to deal with and am better for it