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Loss & grief my psychologist & friend

BastSenior Contributor16 Feb 2019, 9:03 pm AEDT

Loss & grief my psychologist & friend

I am lost, I miss him intensely, my psychologist of 5 years died on 10/1/2019. I now so know that I felt so safe just knowing he was there. I am struggling and desperately trying to not be selfish. After so many years of outstanding therapeutic support, he supported me through the worst times of my life and so gently gave me the opportinity to grow & achieve. He ensured my prepardeness to become a therapist also, I was so qualified just so unwell. I have literally sunk & experienced so many horrible self doubts and am constantly questioning my practice capabilities. He once said to me "If I was not your therapist, I would be your friend." This mattered so much to me, as I live with the despair of self loathing & the resultant inability to sustain friendships every single day. I struggle so much with social anxiety & and the fear that if I allow a person into my life they will find out how inadequate I am.

He gave me so much & I have learnt and applied his practice style. Currently I am unable to find the spark & creativity that is me during therapeutic sessions. My despair and grief are so prounouced and I know that I have been spiralling downwards from November 2018. I adored him & he always helped me feel safe. The emptiness I feel is inconsolable. I now have no one to talk with who will understand me - just as I am.

On my last session, he allowed an expression of sadness although his clinical boundaries were so strong. My mind will not leave this alone, I am constantly endeavouring to find the meaning behind his words.

To trust another person so deeply has been vital for me. I was always encouraged to just be me. I understand in some ways how hard this must be for his loved ones & I do not want to be selfish. My grief is so strong. I have seen my GP and he has compared the loss to be like losing a family member. I have been estranged from my family since I was 18 years.

I know that I reflect his legacy in my practice style & I so value this gift. The sadness is so strong, I am just fighting to keep on going, I am struggling to continue with my practice. I just so need to give up again, crawl into my big dark hole and cry.

7 replies

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In response to: Loss & grief my psychologist & friend

ethSenior Contributor17 Feb 2019, 7:13 am AEDT

Re: Loss & grief my psychologist & friend

Hi @Bast and welcome to the forums if you're new here.

Very sorry to hear what you're going through. Is it possible for you to take some time off and still be able to continue in your practice when you're ready - rather than giving up completely? Create some space to feel your grief fully? Grief is such a tricky beast and is totally understandable in your situation. The loss of a therapeutic relationship has hit me hard in the past too. I am sure you will find some good support here. It's good that you are sharing and writing about what's happening. Take care of you today.

There's a recent thread called "Experiences of Grief" which might resonate for you and you might meet some people who 'get it' there.

I asked around and have posted below links to a couple of other threads that might be helpful. Also if you'd like to meet a few new people you might like to join the 'A long rave' thread.

In response to: Re: Loss & grief my psychologist & friend

ethSenior Contributor17 Feb 2019, 11:02 am AEDT

Re: Loss & grief my psychologist & friend

Thanks @CheerBear "maybe this one here

You can use the search bar with terms like coping strategies/coping skills etc to find lots of threads that might be worth checking out 🙂"

In response to: Re: Loss & grief my psychologist & friend

ethSenior Contributor17 Feb 2019, 11:19 am AEDT

Re: Loss & grief my psychologist & friend

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope .... "Coping Box thread is here."

In response to: Loss & grief my psychologist & friend

OwlunarSenior Contributor17 Feb 2019, 12:34 pm AEDT

Re: Loss & grief my psychologist & friend

Your grief is fresh yet @Bast

You need to give it time and the chances are good that you will always miss your therapist and friend -

I understand - I had a therapist who really understood me too - he passed a long time ago but the good news is that what he taught me is still with me -

There is little I can say except I understand - grief work is hard work and when you are in the same field as your therapist then you are constantly reminded of him yet what he said worked -

Three months is not long - I really feel for you and care and understand he was the only person you felt safe sharing with

Thinking of you Bast

Dec

In response to: Re: Loss & grief my psychologist & friend

BastSenior Contributor17 Feb 2019, 6:45 pm AEDT

Re: Loss & grief my psychologist & friend

Dec

So many thanks for your genuine understanding

Bast

In response to: Re: Loss & grief my psychologist & friend

AppleblossomSenior Contributor17 Feb 2019, 9:32 pm AEDT

Re: Loss & grief my psychologist & friend

Hearing you @Bast

That is a really beautiful memory that he said he would be your friend if he was not your therapist.

I have always seen that you cared deeply about therapuetic values, which does help give hope to others.

I lost a therapist I cared for. He was a psychiatrist and a teacher, and then after him, I ended up seeing one of his students, who admitted we were both grieving at the same time, but in different ways ...

He was the first person I had opened up to about my feelings in the early part of my marriage, and he died before the next session. It was an extremely difficult time. Thank you for reminding me of him.

When your work and therapy are related it is a huge connection.

I do hope you pull through. I always likeseeing your posts.

Hugz

In response to: Loss & grief my psychologist & friend

Dani_MurrayContributor18 Feb 2019, 1:21 am AEDT

Re: Loss & grief my psychologist & friend

HI, hang in there....it is so recent that your psychologist/close confidante passed that it would be surprising if you weren't grieving and feeling adrift and anxious. Be kind and understanding of yourself as you pass through the stages of grief. You are not superman; you are a normal feeling human being. You still have a lot to process before you get to the acceptance stage. You are part of this man's legacy so keep going with your practice; perhaps you could reduce your hours of work for a month or two and give yourself some time to heal.

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