Marriage Woes And I have had enough with the abuse, anger and aggression

Thank you so much @CheerBear for taking the time to share your thoughts and give your support. I really appreciate the helpful reference you have passed on also. Yes, it is family violence and it’s a constant roller coaster of emotion. There is so much more to my story which would give a fuller picture, but too complex to share here!

I did raise the situation with my GP but, to be honest, they don’t really understand how to tackle these situations because there is no “pill” to fix it. I will definitely contact 1800respect — I didn’t know about them and sounds like a really great place to start. Take care if you are also in a situation, and thanks again for your kind words of support.

You are not alone,,

I am a girl in 30s and I am currently going out with a boyfriend of 2 years and we are attached to each other so much. However he suffers from anxiety, aggression, ocd and verbally abuses me. He takes 3 medications for his conditions. He got fired from job 3 times 2 years ago and as of last year he hasn't had any job. He can survive not working as his family has enough wealth to support his lifestyle. However it sucks for me because he doesn't have balanced lifestyle that he needs to have. I tried to leave multiple times however always ended up back with him as I love him much.

He is the sweetest person who can make me laugh and make me be on top of my world at most depressing times, (I was once diagnosed with mild depression) however he gets me down on the lowest times. He takes his medications at night and when the medication dose is down closer to night, he gets this thing called "embarrassed attack" where he gets extremely frustrated to go outside. He feels debilitated to go outside as he feels everyone is looking at him. He has to take 5 bottles of water in his backpack in order to wash out his throat whenever he feels something is stuck there. One time he had to brush his teeth and he leaves me alone in public places such as church service or restaurant so he can goto bathroom and brush his teeth or gargle his throat out which happens every visit outside. He doesn't have a career and feels embarrassed outside to talk about job. so we talk about current affairs at restaurants.

He also has a power struggle issue where if he is not given his way he will try and threaten and hurt me. When I sat on his coffee table, he pushed me over to the floor saying I shouldn't wreck his coffee table. When I asked him to do TAFE course next year so we can focus on our marriage and his mental health this year, he ranked up the music in the car and yelled and screamed at him and kept turning around from the destination we meant to reach. He often calls his mum to manipulate me to get me in line with his will. He pushed me down to the floor when I tried to use his credit card to get his dad a gift. Often times, He tried to lock me up in his flat and not let me go when we had fight and we were both about to blow off, he pulls out of promises that he doesn't want to keep by verbally abusing me (swearing). I think he said he used to be oppressed by his family because they keep provide for him but told him what to do with everything in his life. His dad's failure in business lead to anger outbursts and abuses on him. He also was bullied as a kid in boys school.

I struggle with him because he also keeps acting out abnormal outside which is out of the social norm. He used to think it's okay to have girlfriends while having a wife (which his father did). I had to correct him with bible verses as we are Christians. He also had to restrain himself from looking at porn sites, he plays games instead to help him. When we go outside he yells in excitement to gather attention in public as he really likes to be the centre of attention. I always try to ask him to be more considerate of others in public. He used to make flirting comments to waitresses and kept eyeing on them when we were out on dates and made me blow off. (I would start condamning him and criticise that his is a psychopath taking medications) When we go buy something at Bing Lee I would see him leaning in next to cash register girl which made me angry as a girl friend and I had to explain the science of comfort zone which is leaving the space of 1.5 m.

I used to get aggression just as much as he did all the time however over 2 years I learnt to not to fire up like him anymore. I get tired easily. Instead I try to use silence technique on him and stay away when he has done something wrong or abusive and ignore his request. I also try to report him to his church pastors or psychologist or mum which threathened him to work harder. If this doesn't work I announce his faultiness out in public and humiliate him (which is probably the worst method you can think of). However I never let him abuse me and get away with it. (I am much smaller than him) I tell him it is wrong and he needs to repent to Jesus and try to show consequences to his actions (btw I am a high school teacher). I feel like he has improved a lot since we first met and he is trying to get into the social norm as well. It's really hard work. We still fight like once a week. We are seeing his psychologist next week. Hopefully it will go in the positive direction. Hope you are coping okay,,