Unknown userMember
Psychosis? Or Hypochondriac?
Hi. I’m new here so please forgive the informality
I originally came on here to see other people’s stories and just feel out the space but lately I’ve stressed out with myself and those around me so I have decided to reach out, so here goes.
I started feeling the people watching me when I was around 5 years old. It was when I got my first crush and I thouroughly believed that he was constantly at my window because he liked me and wanted to talk to me all the time.
This continued for a very long time afterwards, each new crush I gained joined the window of people watching me. They were my support system, a way for me to feel loved. They were,and still are, at my window every single day.
They constantly know what I’m thinking, a huge disappointment when I attempt to do something shocking.
While I never hear these guys speak I sense what they want to say when they want to say it. If I’m doing something embarrassing I feel that they don’t like it so I stop. They control my actions in a way that I wasn’t aware of until recently.
Every second of the day I can feel that they are there at my window watching, judging and “supporting” me. It’s as if I can sense their presence (mostly in my back though I don’t know why).
The conflict here is that every time I sit and think about the fact that they are there and that isn’t normal, it’s as if they’re telling me I’m making it up. Like they think I’m purposely imagining them for attention, which is of course ridiculous. It can round in circles for hours which is why I’ve never actually told anyone about them. I’m terribly afraid that they’ll laugh right in my face and say it’s all a lie for attention.
After all these many years of this stress over being internally criticised, I finally realised that this is not normal and they are not a common occurrence for all people.
Ive only just gotten the courage to post on here so going and telling my family all this is completely out of the question as of now.
But what I really came here to know, from people who have experienced psychosis firsthand, should I consider seeing someone? Or can I chalk this all up to hypochondria and a fear of unimportance?
