Where is the balance?

I find myself in this all or nothing stage once again. I thought i was just in a good phase. I felt in control of my life. My diet. Being mindful of what I put in my body, good nutritious food. Swapping the chocolate for berries and yoghurt, oh sooo good! Exercise started at the gym, and swimming for my mental health and my body. Very positive attitude. Setting firm boundries with toxic people in my life. Hmmmmmm Now the black cloud descends. Nothing.cant get off the bed. I want to sleep all the time, block out the world. So was it too much too quickly? I thought i took those steps over a period of time. Planning when i would go to the gym, when i would go swimming, buying the fruit and youghurt (not the chocolate) . It all came together at the begining of the week. Three days later its all gone. Everything seems so overwhelming. Is this just the nature of complex mental illness? I shouldnt be surprised, ive somewhat been here many times before. It is oh so frustrating.

Is aceptance the key. To accept each day as it is.Not overthinking it. Accept that TODAY is not one of my better days.

Sometimes it all feels so Unacceptable. I hate the way i am. Hate the way i look. I hate the way I feel.

Ive had this complex illness since the age of fourteen. Now i am sixty three. Yes i get very tired of the ongoing struggle. Something keeps me going. But at the same time Ifind there is this weariness of spirit. Weariness of body as things start going wrong with my physical health. I dont have the same stamina that i use to have.

I guess what keeps me going is my family. Its important for me to be there for them. That can be very draining though at times.

I wonder where does that all or nothing stem from? It keeps comming back to bite me.

Now i want to compulsively eat. Stuff myself silly. Fill the void. A little voice in my head says no ride the wave, this will pass. If you have to eat go for the berries, less damage. Feeling fat frumpy, old. The pendulum swings from one extreme to the other.

How do others cope with these mood swings?