suicidal partner

Hi there @sad72 ,

It sounds like you're going through such a difficult time. Please make contact with 1800 RESPECT here for advice and support on how to keep you and your daughter safe.

Warm Regards,

Kuu

@sad72

Can I ever so gently say that we would not blame ourselves if a friend died from heart disease. Although it manifests itself differently, our loved ones have conditions that without appropriate treatment are potentially terminal and sadly for some, even with. As much as we would like it to be, love is not the cure for mental illness, being appropriately supportive does however lead to better outcomes (and yes, that can and often does involve tough love).

Sadly, lack of insight and self medication is an all too common problem and I am hoping other forum members who have experience with this might be able to help. As they say you can lead a horse to water .... sometimes rock bottom has to be reached before people will seek help with their issues. 😬

Looking after our own mental health is a priority. There are a lot of mental health supports available.

The Carer Gateway has a search bar at the bottom of this link which will help you with what is available in your region - there will be some that are for drug & alcohol as well as mental health.

https://www.carergateway.gov.au/connecting-with-other-carers

I will tag you in a self care and social thread.

Thank you so much for your input and links .

It was another tough night with messages and phone calls until all hours this morning , it is sad to say but it becomes very frustrating .

I know I have done all I can but it never seems enough .

I find I am losing myself in this battle.

Then perhaps your care should shift to yourself? You can only care for others better than yourself for so long before you will burn out.

It is not selfish at all to view things this way. There is also the possibility you may give and give with things getting back to a "good" point only to have them leave you when you need help and care back.

Each person has to decide their own limit but I learnt the hard way not to keep caring for someone better than care for myself. Particularly if they always pull back when you need help.

@sad72

I too was very lost, being a strong and resilient person I struggled far more than I realised when my husband deteriorated and was "paralysed" after he attempted, finding it difficult to concentrate on work etc. His pdoc gently told me I needed to do something about it.

I chose the pathway of counselling and have greatly benefited from it (which is evidence based as being effective in anxiety reduction) and I cope so much better now, being far more compassionate to myself but it took me far too long to understand 'self care'. I also realised that I am not trained in psychology and am Mr Darcy's wife/lover and not his therapist and I stopped trying to fix him, rather encouraging him to discuss his concerns with his psychologist.

Having our own therapist can help with setting and maintaining boundaries - relationship rules that protect our hearts.

Your GP can do a mental health plan that allows up to 10 Medicare rebateable visits/year to a psychologist (some bulk bill).