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Moving in with Partner with Bipolar - not sure what to do now.....

justdontknownowNew Contributor03 Jan 2019, 6:44 pm AEDT

Moving in with Partner with Bipolar - not sure what to do now.....

Howdy folks - I'm new to this forum.

It took me quite a long time to find a support group for those of us who love our Partners who have been diagnosed with Bi-polar. I'm hoping I can get some advice as I'm out of my depth with our most recent hiccup.

After sharing my home for 9 months with my Partner and my Son, my Partner and I have decided to move out on our own to spend more quality time on our relationship. Prior to my Partner moving in with my Son and I, I was a single Mum having just gone through a divorce following a 20 year marriage. My Son and I lived together alone for 1.5 years before my beloved moved in with us. It has been tricky from the start as they clash most of the time I'm afraid.

My Partner and I have made it through many highs and lows over the past months and have always been able to talk our way through the down times and enjoy the happier times.

We found out this morning that our application for a rental property has been accepted. I have a mixture of excitement and trepidation but my Partner has now retreated into his "quiet space" behind locked doors. I'm concerned for his state of mind as over the past week he's indicated that he may be on his way to a major depressive episode. I thought that us finally having space to ourselves and giving us time for our relationship to fully blossom would be a happy time for both of us.....but I fear this next stage may have been too much for him.

I suppose the question is....when do I know that he'd love to cry out for help even though he has indicated that he'd like to be on his own? Do I leave him be? I've messaged him an hour ago to let him know that I'm here for him but haven't had a reply....

I myself have lived with depression for most of my adult life...I'm 50 this year. I don't pretend to understand the complexities of his daily life, however I feel I have a fairly good insight into what I should do to support him. I must admit though, I'm a little scared that it might be longer for him to "come back" this time.

How do I feel excited and happy for this next chapter of our life? Should I cross the line and knock on the locked door to his private space so that I can comfort him?

Advice most welcome please!!

2 replies

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In response to: Moving in with Partner with Bipolar - not sure what to do now.....

Sophie1Senior Contributor05 Jan 2019, 8:09 am AEDT

Re: Moving in with Partner with Bipolar - not sure what to do now.....

@justdontknownow Welcome to the forum - just read your post - my partner of 22 yrs has Bipolar II and I have mild anxiety and depression. We are both in our mid to late forties.

We moved house 2 years ago Ish after having lived for 14 yrs in the previous place. The act of moving house was extremely destabilising for my partner who I refer to as MsS (yes we are a same sex couple) ... anyway ... Ms S psychiatrist attributed her subsequent manic / depressive rapid cycling episode, which resulted in an inpatient clinic stay, to the stress of the house move - not so much the act of moving packing but the result of living in a new place away from familiarity and known neighbours. MsS has settled down now almost three years after the move but we have been through a major med change (thus the clinic stay) and many med tweaks ... and more recently this year she has found outpatient day programs for CBT therapy run by the mental hospital very helpful as well as targeted sensory motor trauma therapy to help with ptsd aspects of her condition.

Sorry to write so much but I’m trying to say that moving house may be a trigger for sure ... I have always encouraged Ms S to see her psychiatrist at such times when her behaviour tips manic or depressive out of the usual pattern

does your partner have a psychiatrist or psychologist who may be able to help you through this time by supporting your partner ? I have sometimes attended MsS sessions when I observe behaviour that I feel she may not accurately self report due to her state of mind ... not sure if that’s an option for you ?

In response to: Moving in with Partner with Bipolar - not sure what to do now.....

Shaz51Senior Contributor05 Jan 2019, 7:15 pm AEDT

Re: Moving in with Partner with Bipolar - not sure what to do now.....

hello @justdontknownow welcome to the forum and how are you and your partner today

@Former-Member, @Tiggeroo and myself have husbands with bi polar 11

I see you have meet @Sophie1

how old is your son ?

sounds like your partner is overthinking about things , even if he is happy with what is happening

you wrote --- My Partner and I have made it through many highs and lows over the past months and have always been able to talk our way through the down times and enjoy the happier times. -- how did you support during this time , sometimes just being with him , ensuring him that everything is ok

how is your partner today ??

has your partner have a support team , my husband has cancelled his mental health team

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