Hoping for a better year ...

Hi, I thought I'd introduce myself as I'm hoping that becoming active on this forum will help me to feel less alone. I'm turning 40 next month and have been diagnosed with Bipolar II when I was 24. My husband is very supportive, but I've had a mental breakdown this past month and I think it's been taking a toll on him. I had a son 2 years ago and until then I was highly functioning, only been hospitalised once and was doing really well. No one, other than my immediate family even knew I was bipolar.

But in the past 2 years, I've been so busy focussing on looking after my son, I've not been looking after myself at all. I started self-medicating with wine and it just came to a head some 6 weeks ago when I couldn't hide it any more. Now I've ruined every friendship I've had, my in-laws don't want anything to do with me and I ended up in hospital. I'm on new medication and on a whole new caring plan with a team of wonderful health care professionals, but to be honest, I'm feeling really alone. Having to spend the whole of Christmas and New Years stuck in the house (my family lives overseas) as I'm not welcome at the in-laws was really tough.

But on Tuesday I made a desicion to give this year a chance. To choose life one more time. To never touch a drop of alcohol again. According to my drs I'm not addicted or alcoholic, I'm just using it to numb the pain and get over the panic attacks. I get around 15 a day at the moment, and with a busy 2 year old going through a few tantrums a day it gets really hard.

At the moment its just really tough feeling so sick. And being surrounded by judgement instead of compassion... well that was the final straw for me.

So hopefully, this will be the beginning of me getting better and healthier this year.