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Mother of young adult suicidal son with social anxiety

MinnaCasual Contributor04 Dec 2018, 8:32 pm AEDT

Mother of young adult suicidal son with social anxiety

Hello - I am new here and here is a little about why I am here:

I have a 19 year old son who has inattentive ADHD, social anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. He now says he realises he has had anxiety around people since he was 8 or so. His serious issues began in year 7 when fitting in socially became a real problem but he struggled on at school until the end of year 11 with some great support from some teachers. This year he he tried TAFE but only went for 2.5 days and then could not go back. He has been helping on the family farm for much of the year but struggles even with that now. He has very few friends and is really sad about that but avoids every social situation. He has very low self esteem and thinks he is worthless and thinks about suicide a lot. He has seen a psychiatrist and tried some medications without much improvement (and side effects) so has given up on them. He does not want to try therapy as talking is really hard for him and he does not see how it can help. I have had some great people teach me to speak to him calmly about suicidal thoughts to assess where he is at, but there have been some really tough days with him in crisis when I have been considering contacting emergency services. The ongoing problems are tough on the family, including my marriage, as we have very different approaches but we are talking and working together as best we can. I am looking for others who can relate and perhaps share success stories. Ideas about ways to help him find some confidence and to decide to seek help would also be great.

3 replies

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In response to: Mother of young adult suicidal son with social anxiety

Unknown userMember05 Dec 2018, 1:57 pm AEDT

Re: Mother of young adult suicidal son with social anxiety

Hi there @Minna thank you so much for posting and sharing your story Please also know you are not alone, and the community is here to listen as well as support you.

Your son sounds like he has been up against a lot, can I ask has he only seen the one Psychiatrist? There are now approximately 100 modalities of therapy, sometimes it's about finding the right practitioner for the client. It must be very painful for you to see this unfolding, and no doubt the helplessness is very difficult at times.

The important thing is that you have supports in place for yourself. It's hard to help someone else when we're not fully equipped with access to resource. When he escalates with suicidal thoughts, you can contact Suicide Callback Service on 1300 659 467 (they work with carers too) for strategies and advice on what to do. As well as this, what are your own forms of self care? Do you see a therapist at all to debrief yourself?

This is a safe space and the community is here to listen.

In response to: Re: Mother of young adult suicidal son with social anxiety

MinnaCasual Contributor05 Dec 2018, 9:13 pm AEDT

Re: Mother of young adult suicidal son with social anxiety

Thanks for reply.

Yes, he has really only seen one psychiatrist plus another very briefly when he was in contact with community mental health services. Partly because youth psychiatrists are rare and the one we saw cand highly recommended but also because it was a real struggle to get him to one at all.

I am not seeing anyone now but have for a short time a few years ago. I have considered therapy but am doing ok with supportive friends and access to good advice. Also making sure I do relaxing things.

i hadn’t considered the suicide call back service myself actually as I thought that was for the person with suicidal thoughts so thanks for that tip.

trying to be hopeful about his (our family’s) future but hard when things appear to gradually get harder for him

In response to: Re: Mother of young adult suicidal son with social anxiety

MinnaCasual Contributor11 Mar 2021, 3:07 pm AEDT

BPD and involuntary admission; Re: Mother of young adult suicidal son with social anxiety

Hi everyone

I have just looked back at my old post after a tough week. Unfortunately my son has continued to struggle and was involuntarily admitted to hospital yesterday after I called the police. Now he doesn't want me involved so I can't even find out how he is in hospital.

Since my last post in late 2018, he has managed to work and he had some money saved up and was offered stable employment last year so things were looking much better for a while. He also decided to move out to his own rental flat late 2020. During 2020 his depression and suicidal thoughts became gradually worse though and he agreed to try private hospital on his psychiatrists advice. Everything had just become too much and he wasn't able to sleep.

He was in hospital for about 7 weeks in total but wasn't well on discharge and ended up turning to drugs and alcohol to self medicate. There was a possible BPD diagnosis also and many things about borderline personality disorder appear to fit how he is, including being very impulsive and struggling with relationships. Now his only friends are people from the hospital who have serious issues themselves and my son tries to help them but has been neglecting his own needs. In the last week or two he has lost his job, lost his licence and is about to loose his flat His money is running out along with his options.

Yesterday he reluctantly agreed to come to be assessed in ED because he could not cope and wanted to die. He said he only came because he knew I would be too sad. Unfortunately the assessment did not lead to admission and he then left as he didn't feel like anyone cared even though he was suicidal. I called police when he was on a train on his way to get to his car. He lost his license recently and had used alcohol yesterday (he is now dependent and I provided some on the advice of mental health team to get him through). I knew he would be a risk to himself and others so I felt I had to. So police knew to look out for him. He was taken for mental health assessment and he is now admitted but now says he doesn't want me involved so I cannot find out what is happening.

On top of that he still has the car keys which police confiscated but then gave to hospital staff to pass on to me. They now see them as his property and will give them to him when he leaves.

I hope all this is coherent enough for you to follow. Feeling so sad not being able to see him now when he could really use a friend but hoping he is getting needed support and will be able to recover.

Thanks for reading and I would value any comments or suggestions!

Minna

PS I just spoke to a GP and am talking to a mental health professional tomorrow so I am okay. Also using some of my usual coping strategies.

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