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Losing everything

BearFactsNew Contributor27 Nov 2018, 2:06 pm AEDT

Losing everything

Hi all. I haven't posted on here before and figured I'd give it a shot and see if it helps. I have a history of Bipolar, Anxiety, PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder. It has been okay for the past couple of years and I'd been managing it well enough to not require medicine. I'd hoped maybe I had gotten past everything, that I was stronger now and wouldn't have these problems anymore.

This past year has been tough. Things don't seem right anymore. I've started having episodes and depression and mixed manic/depressive phases again. If anything doesn't go according to plan, it feels like everything is falling apart. My stomach is a bundle of nerves. I get worried that no one wants to be around me and see the worst in every scenario. I feel weak and disguting to myself. It feels like I'm watching myself ruin my life and relationships. It feels like I'm reverting back to the person I used to be (who I hated). I don't want to be that angry, sad, worried and overly-emotional person anymore.

I'm trying hard to stop it from happening. I've gone to the doctor, started taking medication again, continuing with exercise and tried talking to friends (sort of anyways).

Is there anything else I can do? Does anyone know of any good mental health apps to use? How can I get out of this head space and find a way to feel worthy of relationships and a future? I've tried pschologists in the past, but I've struggled finding a good fit and also commiting to attending sessions, especially when my mood shifts.

Hope you are all having a good day. Thank you for listening and for any advice you can provide.

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In response to: Losing everything

frogSenior Contributor27 Nov 2018, 8:01 pm AEDT

Re: Losing everything

Hello @BearFacts Welcome to the forum.

I just wanted to let you know that I read your post, and heard how hard things are for you right now.

I live with Bipolar 1 and the variability is exhausting. It's good that you got yourself to the Dr.

The medication question is huge. I hope it's helpful for you. I would love to stop, but don't think I'd be capable of working, which would create more problems than I can handle.

I'm very lucky to have found a psychologist who is a very good fit, and have seen him for more than 4 years. One approach I have found helpful is Acceptance Commitment Therapy.

You're doing well to keep up the exercise. That's something I am really struggling with lately.

I use the Calm app https://www.calm.com/ It costs $ but has been good for me. Meditation doesn't fix everything but it does give me a bit of headspace, which is worth a lot.

There are so many wonderful people on the forum who support each other without judgement. I hope you find some solidarity here.

You probably already know, but just in case - if you want to tag a particular person, use @ then their name. And to see if you've been tagged, or your post has been supported, or there are updates to a thread that you've contributed to check the little bell in the top right hand corner of the screen.

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