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Living with PTSD

LiliNew Contributor26 Nov 2018, 10:46 pm AEDT

Living with PTSD

Hi everyone. I’m new here.

I’m an adult survivor of child sexual assault and domestic violence.

Had my first anxiety attack at 20. Diagnosed with Panic Disorder at the age of 35 after years of drug abuse and struggling with panic attacks.

Then, 3 years ago, after making the decision to leave a toxic relationship, was lured into witnessing the suicide of the man I had left a couple of months prior. Three months after that was formally diagnosed with PTSD. Have experienced a host of complications, but in the beginning, the worst was agoraphobia. Couldn’t leave my home and couldn’t drive for just over a year. Have come a long way in the past couple of years, but am now suffering with fairily bad claustrophobia. Can’t catch public transport, places like movie theatres, car washes and tunnels are doable, but extremely unsettling. Am supposed to have an MRI due to some health issues, but have cancelled 3 times already. Can’t handle any situation where I feel restrained in any way. Even a crowded parking lot, especially underground, can be difficult. I have conquered some pretty intense obstacles but this one still has the better of me. Feeling like a bit of a failure and not sure where to turn for help. Everything costs money, and as I am on the disability pension and raising children on my own, there is no spare money for anything. Just having a bit of a shitty day. Thanks for listening x

3 replies

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In response to: Living with PTSD

utopiaSenior Contributor26 Nov 2018, 11:26 pm AEDT

Re: Living with PTSD

@Lili. We all have shitty days from time to time. And the Forum is a good place to let it out.

So welcome to the Forum.

I know when I had to go for an MRI - I had to take a calming tablet to help me. Half way through I was struggling. In the end I pretended I was holding a friends hand. That got me through the final stages of it. It wasn't easy, so I can understand your hesitancy in going through with it. For me, I'm glad I did it. I needed those results.

In response to: Living with PTSD

lolaSenior Contributor26 Nov 2018, 11:30 pm AEDT

Re: Living with PTSD

Hi Lili
Lola here, one of the Moderators.
Welcome to the forum!
You have shown lot of courage coming on here and sharing your story. Here will find support form our members who generously share the knowledge and experiences with you.
take care
lola

In response to: Living with PTSD

Hope4meSenior Contributor27 Nov 2018, 11:40 am AEDT

Re: Living with PTSD

Hi and welcome @Lili

Your story is so familiar to me your poor woman. I understand and send my well wishes.

I'm wondering if you've discussed Complex PTSD with your psych's along your road of self discovery and treatment. Childhood abuse (or any abuse) over a long period of time creates behaviours and beliefs that interfere with our normal development and coping abilities, creating havoc and long term, social, relationship, health and mental health issues. (As you obviously know)

It's a scientific fact that CPTSD changes the brain's development and form. [We] don't respond to life as others do due to our brain's reacting differently. Researching it might help you understand yourself better and hopefully put you on the road to recovery and forgiveness.

I can't imagine how devistating the situation with your ex was and the memory of it probably still is. Along with your life experiences it must be a complete torment. I honestly think you're a powerful survivor and should be praised for the mighty strength and commitment you have for yourself and beautiful children. Congratulations...

I hope you have the resources for breaks from your young one's now and then to top up inner strength, and remember or maybe for the first time, find some sence of solace.

I'd love to hear from you again and maybe discuss CPTSD as it seems you're caught in the midst of its grasp. (Just my opinion) I've lived it, wrestled with it, and overcome its torment. Ask me anything ok.

Sending a warm hug;

Hope xo

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