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I think my partner might have borderline personality disorder

worried13Casual Contributor18 Nov 2018, 4:05 pm AEDT

I think my partner might have borderline personality disorder

Hi, this is my first time posting and I guess I’m just looking for some guidance, help or resources.

I’m 25 and my partner is 26, I struggle with anxiety and my partner experiences what he believes to be depression (he hasn’t seen a psychologist or professional for longer than a few sessions so does not have a diagnoses) however recently he mentioned he thinks he might have a personality disorder.

Since then I’ve spent time looking online and reflecting back on our arguments and his behaviour during the time we’ve been together and after reading this article today i’m finding that every single symptom matches up with his behaviour and even how he talks me/makes me feel about myself

He said he wants to make a change but he is very against accepting any kind of help from me or a professional (seeing someone in the past hasn’t helped he says), he also struggles financially so getting help is difficult because of that too

I want to support him and be there for him and be able to help him find out what his options are, can anyone help me? What can we do?

I’m a social work student nearing the end of my degree and i’m finding it harder and harder each day to be there for him (and take care of myself) with him pushing me away/verbally abusing me/starting arguments/accusing me of being untrustworthy and not loving him despite doing everything I can he only sees the bad and thinks that the support I give him is never good enough

4 replies

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In response to: I think my partner might have borderline personality disorder

Unknown userMember19 Nov 2018, 1:13 pm AEDT

Re: I think my partner might have borderline personality disorder

Hi @worried13

I firstly wanted to say welcome to the forums. It can be an underestimated achievement to be posting in a new space such as an online community! It is not always easy to share your story - so we really appreciate you doing so here.

It sounds like you are a very good partner to your loved one, but I bet it is very upsetting to know they are possibly struggling and they don't want your help. It sounds like their struggles also impact on you and your wellbeing too.

It is great that you have researched to find out a bit more about what might be going on for your partner. Have you spoken with him about the article that you found? Is that something you think would help start a conversation? What supports do you have in place for your own anxiety?

There was a really good Topic Tuesday event on how to help a loved one that doesnt want help which might be useful to have a read through.

You can also contact Carers Australia (even if you don't identify as a carer per say it can be helpful for loved ones generally) to get some advice or referrals around services that could be useful generally?

In response to: I think my partner might have borderline personality disorder

JupiterSenior Contributor23 Jan 2019, 3:41 pm AEDT

Re: I think my partner might have borderline personality disorder

How have things been with you and your partner @worried13?

In response to: I think my partner might have borderline personality disorder

AMWNew Contributor11 Feb 2019, 7:22 pm AEDT

Re: I think my partner might have borderline personality disorder

As someone who has been with my husband for almost 8 years, married 4 years and seeing your age, I feel like saying RUN !!

But then I remember all the beautiful moments in this crazy life I live with him...I suspect he has BPD....I dont think we will every get any diagnosis as he refuses to believe anything is wrong with him or just like your partner, seek any help... He is not capable of keeping any lasting relationships, both personal or work ....the reason I am still with him is because I love him very much and I need to protect our children.

He loses his temper for nothing and especially my son suffers..... The worst is that, in the 8 years, he has only worked a year and it has put so much pressure on us financially as I am the one who has to work really hard to get us close to an income that pays all the bills...I worry non stop.

In response to: Re: I think my partner might have borderline personality disorder

PeaceangelNew Contributor12 Nov 2019, 12:32 pm AEDT

Re: I think my partner might have borderline personality disorder

Hi all

This is my first post and I look forward to hearing your thoughts/advice.

Yesterday at my work I attended an education day and from 1 of the presentations I finally feel that I have some sort of reason why my partner behaves the way he does. After coming home and researching all night and morning I strongly believe he has BPD. He has been to the GP very frequently in the 3 years that weve been together and has been prescribed anti anxiety/depression medication which didnt really work so he stopped it. He meets 8 of the 9 criteria for a diagnosis of BPD (the only one he doesnt meet is the suicidal ideation one - but he has been previously). My question is how do I broach the subject with him without sending him off? He's a FIFO worker so I do get a week relief but he doesnt want to talk anything "serious" while he's away at work, or even when he comes home for the first few days.

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