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Feeling out of control

LiztolastCasual Contributor07 Nov 2018, 2:54 pm AEDT

Feeling out of control

I was "lightly" diagnosed with BPD at 14 where I spent two stints in mental hospital. Fast forward ten years and I am still struggling, but more quietly now. Boyfriend is on verge of giving up/hating me. I spend some of my days wondering what would life be like without me. Sometimes I feel sad about it. Other times it brings me peace. Feeling very alone, family doesn't encourage this fake illness and I gave no friends at all. Anxiety and petty arguments killed them off really and now I withdraw into myself around everyone. Can't afford therapy. Struggling everyday to find someone I can relate to and tell me I'm not crazy. I always hear I'm crazy or I make no sense. I don't mean to and it hurts to hear. Sorry if any of this was triggering. I'm hurting and I don't understand why. Thank you. I wish all of you the best on your journey.

3 replies

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In response to: Feeling out of control

Unknown userMember07 Nov 2018, 3:06 pm AEDT

Re: Feeling out of control

Hi @Liztolast,
It's always nice to welcome a new member to the forums - so welcome! I hope that you will enjoy the online connections that you make and gain something from the exchange of stories and experience that happens here. Although having online friendships is not the same as having people there with you it can certainly ease feelings of isolation. People sometimes like to introduce themselves here in the social part of the forum. All the best

In response to: Feeling out of control

Sans911Senior Contributor07 Nov 2018, 11:28 pm AEDT

Re: Feeling out of control

@Liztolast

Welcome to the forums, and it's brave of you to share your story. You're definitely not crazy and your illness is not fake, not even close. I'm sorry you're hurting so much & feel so hopeless. But there is hope.

Do you have a good GP you can trust? Get them to put you on a Mental health care plan which will give you a minimum of 10 sessions with a psychologist. I'm not sure what you meant by a 'light' diagnosis, however, you need to meet the 9 criteria in order to be properly diagnosed. You might not have BPD at all and might have depression instead.

Have a look at the BPD Foundation website, there's lots of information there too for yourself and family.

The other thing you could do is ring the SANE helpline, Lifeline or Headspace. They can help with support and guidance, especially if you're feeling suicidal.

Lots of people here understand the feelings you have. All you have to do is tag someone with an @ ssymbol and their user name. I'm happy to chat you anytime I'm available.

I really hope you can get some support soon

In response to: Feeling out of control

Bat_GirlContributor10 Nov 2018, 6:43 pm AEDT

Re: Feeling out of control

Like you, I grew up in a family that considered my BPD related hospital admissions to be attention seeking. Mental illness is not fake. I have managed to source treatment through the medicare system and suggest you do too. I see a Psychologist (for free) on a Mental Health Care Plan through my GP and second @Sans911's suggestion you approach a compassionate GP for advice, diagnosis and/or treatment options. Good luck and thanks for sharing 😊

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