Post Natal Anxiety- Intrusive thoughts

Hi @Nickyb

Firstly welcome to the SANE Forums and thank you for taking the time to share your story with the community. I know several members on here can relate to your story so I hope you will find it a welcoming and helpful space to share and connect with others walking through similar experiences. Being a parent can be very overwhelming and it can pose challenges we oftentimes don’t expect. It takes a lot of bravery to share those sometimes frightening thoughts and many mothers fear the repurcussions of speaking up about it... But it is important to remember that it is okay to talk about it 🙂

It is great to hear you have reached out for help and received some good support from your doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist over the last several months... I also wonder if anyone has so far mentioned the organisations PANDA - Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia ? You might like to check out their website or give them a call if you ever feel like you needed telephone support 1300 726 306. @PANDA as an organisation also moderate the SANE Forums at different times, so hopefully they can jump in and offer support for you here too. Many have a lived experience of what you're going through. You might like to connect with another mum living with PND @Blossom14 or read her experience here. Please keep us posted on how things are tracking for you and the family.

Again - Welcome and take care!

Cheers,
Mosaic.

@Nickyb,

Thank you very much for your contribution, and I hope you found some relief in being able to write it out in a post. You're absolutely right that this sort of thing is not talked about very much at all. You describe very vividly the sorts of thoughts you were having, and I can only imagine how frightening it must be to be feeling and thinking that way, and how alone you must have felt not being able to discuss it with anyone! I can tell from your post that you're still processing the events of that time. But to paraphrase what you said at the end of your post, the fact that you're still experiencing such raw emotions as a result of the memory of this probably says a lot about your actual character and personality! Have you found any benefit from seeing the psych?

Hi @Nickyb,

How brave of you to speak up about what is so confronting and distressing for so many. No-one tells you during birthing classes about postnatal anxiety or depression which might involve intrusive thoughts and images of harming your baby... distressing images and thoughts that are so far from the essence of who you are.

One of the reasons these 'egodystonic intrusive thoughts' are not more widely discussed is likely to be due to fear of being judged an unfit parent and 'having their children removed'. It is important, however, to distinguish between the commonly experienced egodystonic thoughts related to an anxiety disorder; and the much rarer intrusive thoughts and images in someone who may be experiencing an acute psychotic illness.

Conversations like the one you have started are really important in providing education on this more common and highly distressing perinatal experience. Hopefully your courage will help others on the forums and equip them to support those in their wider community.

It is terrific to hear that you have connected with your psychologist and are on the road to recovery. We hear from many mums that recovery also involes processing the original trauma/distress, many times over, and often this does not occur until symptoms are well under control. Winding back the clock isn't an option unfortunately but continuing taking one day and one step at a time is. I wonder if you can remind yourself in those tough moments of what a good mum you are... and that it will be OK. Many people have told us that this has really helped in moments of uncertainty or distress.

Thanks for starting such an important conversation @Nickyb

Thanks for your post.

I think it is important to talk about this more widely than the closed room of a clinic ... or a confessional ... for the oldies.

I started motherhood in an unusual manner which tended to cut me off from having many discussions about motherhood. I did not have those type of thoughts during the first 16 months of mothering my first baby daughter(foster/step), but I had my first suicidal ideation during my first pregnancy (2nd daughter). I had such a child focussed approach I was mortified that I had damaged my unborn baby. I guess that was pre-natal. I did not follow through or self harm, but struggled on.

None of my feelings or thoughts were discussed or handled that well by any of the shrinks I saw. I was so grateful for any attention but when I read others' stories they actually got therapy ... I guess I had too much baggage without even knowing it... and when I asked what that meant to my doctor he got annoyed and stymied further discussion and I had him on a pedestal ... hmmm. My situation then was very overloaded.

@NickybIt was just good for me as an older mum to read your post and remember my early days of motherhood.

Thanks