Living with a partner who has bipolar

My partner has bipolar and chronic anxiety and I’m really struggling with it at the moment.

his health as deteriorated as I have got pregnant. I think the deterioration is related to the fact that he lost his job and enrolled in a uni course which is causing him to be extremely anxious and turn to substances for relief.

i feel really hamstrung by the situation. I work really long hours, pay all the bills and do most of the cooking and cleaning, and I ended up doing most of his homework for him as well.

He spends literally all day lying in bed, trying to sleep to avoid feeling anxious and depressed. I feel really sad about this and worried for him, but at times it’s also extremely annoying. If I tell him that something is bothering me, he seems not to hear it and doesn’t alter his behaviour or obviously acknowledge that something is wrong. If I get so angry I speak to him sternly, or get upset or raise my voice at him, it makes his anxiety worse and the whole problem deteriorates - he’s been admitted to hospital 3 time this year with self harm and all 3 times has been after I’ve gotten angry with him (very out of character, he’s never been like this before).

I don’t think it’s a deliberate attempt to ‘teach me a lesson’ for getting angry with him. I think he is just so anxious, unhappy and socially isolated that when I yell at him (which means I’m phenomonly angry and frustrated- I’m really quite calm usually) it tips him over the edge and he feels worthless. But it puts me in a really tough position it terms of not being able to express myself. I really am mindful to keep it nice as much as possible, but his behaviour can be infuriating sometimes.

It’s just so much more complicated because I’m pregnant. He’s been hospitalised currently, and he’s still expecting me to finish his semester of uni work, and told me yesterday he thinks he’ll keep going with the course. I told him I won’t do the work for him this time and if it’s too much for him then he needs to find something else to do.

does anyone have any job suggestions that are flexible and not too stressful for someone with mental illness? He’s very academically intelligent but uni is too stressful. When he’s a bit better, I think he needs a casual job to give him something to break up the week a bit. He has no hobbies or routines, and he’s very isolated.