Communicating with Teenage son

Hi @JanE8, I'm sorry to read that you are feeling lost regarding how to deal with your son's response to your attempts to help.

It can be challenging for anyone to face that they may require help and as a teenager, your son may be trying to exert his own independence, even though it may not be the most helpful thing for him right now.

Spreading the load with other professionals or people in your life can sometimes be a good way to start but everyone's experiences and circumstances are different.

I hope you and your son find a way to support each other.

Take care of yourself.

It is so tricky respecting a teenagers genuine needs for privacy and support. They are both in conflict.

The most success I have had ... and it is limited.... is to self reveal a small honest personal experience that can relate to what they are going through ... it takes a while to filter through all the defences ... but it enables them to see themselves and parent as people struggling with similar things at defferent times in life ... so a little trust may grow ... not an immediate solution ...

Take Care

Hi Jan, I feel and hear your pain and frustration. I’m new to this site, having stumbled across it while navigating our much under funded mental health system. I too, have a teen son (15 and a half) who was diagnosed as OCD/anxiety three years ago. Long story short, I feel helpless as he becomes more disengaged and less open to communicating with me. It’s all very complex but no doubt, not unique as reading through these posts, we are all in pain. It’s heart breaking seeing your child a shell of who they once were. I have no words of wisdom for you and I see my son in your son two years from now and that scares me. Each day I wake feeling like a lead weight is on my chest , Surely this must be as worse as it can get for my son. The mind torture is relentless. I would love to find someone I can sit and chat with, with no judgement and not feeling they need to “fix “ things . I just want an ear to listen and to hear our story and to hear theirs and know that this guilt that weighs down do heavily and literally takes my breath away, is normal. I just want a normal happy life for my son and let me take his pain. Perhaps this is now the new normal for us?

Id like to know how you’re travelling Jan and how your son is since your last post ... Jo

Hi JJ's mum,

Thanks for your reply.

You are right, I have realised this is our new normal. I was mistakenly thinking/hoping that we would just wake up and this nightmare would be over and he would be better. I think this was planted by a Psych we were seeing who said that anxiety and depression were very curable and within 12 months it would be gone- he was wrong and also in hindsight I realise insulting. We have a new counsellor who is a mental health social worker and she seems to be better, but he doesn't want us to have any conversations with her about his progress, so we also feel locked out over that too.

We are lucky in that I have a 25 year old son who lives interstate and my son has begun to reach out to him and confide in him. The 25 year old lets us know what is going on without betraying confidence and so that has been somewhat of a relief.

We have managed to contact the Mental Health unit at TAFE and organised an appointment for him, we were not allowed to do that before. We don't know if he will turn up and he has said he doesn't want us to go with him. TAFE is a much better place for him than school. He has managed one day back out of three since his meltdown.

While this sounds positive, I live on constant edge and am exhausted by the unrelenting positivity required to manage his behaviour. We live day to day. I am also angry at stupid things, i am sick of people asking when he will get better, or even why is he like this.

Letting go of the expectation that he will get better, has made it somewhat easier, although heartbreaking. What we are managing is chronic illness and until I joined this forum I hadn't thought of it like that. I am now making long term plans -financial and housing about how to best accommodate us.

I would also like to join a parent support group.

loads of love to you

xxx

Thank you Jan for replying. I’ve screen-shot your reply as I feel I’m going to be referring to it often.

While this is the new normal for us, I often find it difficult to quell feelings of resentment at the way life has turned. I look at couples and families out and about doing “normal” things or terns mucking about with their friends, carefree and laughing . Silent tears rack my body, seeing what my son is missing out on. Selfish tears and thoughts as well knowing as a single parent with a teen having mental health issues, I’ll never find love again. I could never invite someone into our lives and expect them to understand and accept my son for how he is, how our lives are. I chastise myself constantly for these resentful and selfish feelings.

There are days I’m in morning for the happy, practical joker, scooter-riding son I had only a year ago .... it’s like he has been replaced by someone I don’t know . I see glimpses of the boy he use to be but they’re fleeting .... I’m mourning and there is no other word for it