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Disconnected and confused

Bp21Casual Contributor09 Oct 2018, 1:29 pm AEDT

Disconnected and confused

I was diagnosed with BP2 earlier this year and have been taking my medicine since. (around 3 months).

I hate it. I am confused, have trouble concentrating, I am anxious, my feelings are dull or non existent, I am not as alert, my creative side has been depleted and my sexual appetite has increased a lot. I grind my teeth and clench my jaw a lot especially when I am asleep. I find myself wanting to engage in risky sexual behaviours more than what I did before I started taking the medication. I've been bijnge drinking when I have the chance to and got black out drunk on Friday.

It has been the worst the last few weeks and I've taken a few days off work because I now feel depressed and unsure of what to do. I'm stuck between wanting to end my life now and mindlessly drifting like this for the rest of my miserable life.

I have 2 kids who I love and want to be here for, and a better than I deserve husband who has been through hell and back with me so they are my anchors. I feel like this is how things will be forever, constantly tweaking and restarting and I don't know if I am capable of starting from square 1 over and over.

I feel stupid when I am on this medication, I am definitely not as sharp as I used to be. I am disappointed, embarrassed and ashamed that I need days off work to figure myself out.

Has anyone else felt this way too? I am going to see a doctor this afternoon but I'm so over this constant revaluation. I just want to be normal.

2 replies

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In response to: Disconnected and confused

outlanderSenior Contributor17 Oct 2018, 11:02 am AEDT

Re: Disconnected and confused

hello @BP2 and welcome
how are you going since your post?
how did you go at your drs?

some medications can have horrible side effects, one that i often encounter is weight gain, tiredness, loss of appetitie and nausea but there are many different one so its definently worth talking to your gp about whats happening for you.

Feel free to have a look around the forums as well, there are many members here who im sure could relate to you and/or would just love to chat with you.

@Mazarita @eth @Bunniekins @Queenie
would you guys be able to offer some advice?

In response to: Re: Disconnected and confused

ethSenior Contributor21 Oct 2018, 10:50 am AEDT

Re: Disconnected and confused

Hi @Bp21 and @outlander I've been away and only just saw your tag here @outlander

Firstly welcome to the forums @Bp21. I have a thread called Managing Bipolar 1 where people are talking about all things bipolar (not just BP1) that might be helpful to you. https://saneforums.org/t5/Looking-after-our-wellbeing/Managing-Bipolar-1/m-p/594488#M53150

I know the feelings you describe as side effects (undesired effects!) of medication as I've been medicated for BP since 2009 with much tweaking along the way. It sounds like it might be time to talk to your psychiatrist openly about all that is happening for you and maybe they'll adjust your meds.

For me, the bottom line is I have to put my mental health above all else, including weighing up the benefits and downsides, and that means taking prescribed meds for the rest of my life. But I didn't give in and kept being brutally honest about what was happening for me with my pDocs and I'm now on a med regime that is keeping me more balanced than ever before. I've been on the same meds for a little over a year (I'm 55 and with hindsight can see I have had BP since in my teens, although not diagnosed with it until age 46).

Feel free to tag me if you have any questions or just want to talk. Hang in there, you will get through this time and you have support here.

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