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Let me off this ride already

CrazyJContributor02 Oct 2018, 2:07 am AEST

Let me off this ride already

I - that's how I seem to start every sentence. I feel this way, I feel that way . But what about everyone around me? I have a history of bp in my family. After years of being estranged from my family, and in a depressed state I emailed my father explaining what it's like to be me. The juggling of meds, the times that I have meds don't work. The suicidal idealogy. His response..

I know. I've been dealing with it for years. Meaning he has been on the other end of the sword . My first thought is to be offended. But then I realize the truth. We drag the whole bunch down the hole with us. Destroying everything in our path. True, none of them can wrap their head around what's wrong with my brain, but I have destroyed our relationships without worrying about what is going on in their brains. To them I'm just a crazy a-hole.

So what has my Illness done to everyone around me? As I want acceptance but don't accept anyone else because I feel like I am not accepted?

After I got diagnosed 2 years went by without my getting medication. 2 years of not talking to my family. As they say, if you tell someone to get lost and they do, you were doing them a favor.

So now after getting medicated at 45 - my family don't want to be around me anymore. That is how my illness affects everyone else. Because there aren't any pills to make them feel understand why I have acted the way I have. They just know I'm broken. Ive been sick as long as I can remember. What did I do to deserve this life sentence? What did they do that they have to be related to me?

3 replies

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In response to: Let me off this ride already

WennaSenior Contributor02 Oct 2018, 2:18 am AEST

Re: Let me off this ride already

Welcome CrazyJ to the forum. Its Wenna one of the overnight moderators. It sounds like you have been struggling for some time. It takes courage to share your story, I believe the forums are a great way of connecting with people.

Wenna

In response to: Re: Let me off this ride already

MaggieSenior Contributor02 Oct 2018, 6:13 am AEST

Re: Let me off this ride already

@CrazyJ Welcome to the forums. I don't have the same diagnosis as you, but understand the life sentence feelings. There are many others around the forum with BP, you might like to connect and chat. You don't have to struggle alone.

In response to: Let me off this ride already

OwlunarSenior Contributor02 Oct 2018, 11:29 am AEST

Re: Let me off this ride already

Hi @CrazyJ

I am so sorry you are battling with all of this - by bp do you mean bi-polar or borderline personality disorder - not that the label really matters - it give the medical profession a sense of direction through a world where everyone seems to have a label and mine could be AAF - Arguing with Authrority Figures

So that's okay

You know - you are not powerful enough to drag down the whole family - they are doing this all by themselves and they choose that - I wish you weren't carrying around such a bad idea about yourself - my family tried this one and I left for years - I returned from time to time but I found it better alone but this is a really hard way to deal with life

I'm glad you have found us - whatever your emotional discomfort is causing is enough for you to deal with without have bad info from your family - I am so sorry about this - and I am sure there are others who will agree you don't need this kind of bother with everything else you have going on

Keep posting @CrazyJ - this is a very supportive forum and people are here just to support each other

Dec

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