Living with Parent

Hello @lookfar, welcome to the Forums. It sounds like you have had a lot of challenging times and things are particularly difficult at the moment. It’s great that you have completed two courses and are working on a career change that should make things a little more manageable for you. It sounds like you are keeping your goal in sight, despite things being really hard right now.

It sounds like there’s a lot on your plate right now. Is there anything that you could do to reduce the load? Sometimes there is nothing we can do, in which case it can help to focus on how we manage it and the support around us. Do you have some good support around you at the moment?

Being a carer can be exhausting and you are not alone in fantasising about a more peaceful life. The forums are a great place to chat with others who can relate to your situation. You might like to check out some of our social spaces: you can drink a virtual hot chocolate with other carers, chat about your day or share a joke.

And please keep sharing your journey. There is always someone here to listen.

I struggle a lot feeling envious and angry about comparing the way my life has been to the way that the lives of others around me have been. It's never been important to me to have a little nuclear family or anything but it's more about how many problems and obligations I've been faced with taking responsibility for that just weren't caused by me. In order to get out of hospital I had to summon tremendous dreams to motivate myself. But then I felt for a long time that my dreams were getting continuously more compressed by all the events of my life, smaller and more humble. Then a few years ago I felt that my dreams had been destroyed by all the events and I couldn't have any dreams anymore, it was heartbreaking. It has been pretty difficult since then. And I have felt so resentful of people around me like friends and relatives who have so much freedom by comparison to me. They can't imagine what I would be capable of with that kind of freedom just to essentially follow my own ends. Lately I've recognised what a problem my resentment is and I've been trying to find my way out of it. Maybe it will resolve itself when there is more wriggle room financially.

Hi @lookfar

Carer grief happens when the life we had planned is taken from us due to the care we give to our loved ones as a result of their diagnosis. I will tag you in an article about this.

"Living grief" can happen when we have ongoing losses in our carer role.

Have you a therapist yourself who could help you work through your feelings of grief and resentment? This article may or may not be of help to you.

https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/caregiver.com/api/amp/articles/releasing-resentment/

I will tag you in a self care thread too.

Darcy

I struggle a lot feeling envious and angry about comparing the way my life has been to the way that the lives of others around me have been. It's never been important to me to have a little nuclear family or anything but it's more about how many problems and obligations I've been faced with taking responsibility for that just weren't caused by me. In order to get out of hospital I had to summon tremendous dreams to motivate myself. But then I felt for a long time that my dreams were getting continuously more compressed by all the events of my life, smaller and more humble. Then a few years ago I felt that my dreams had been destroyed by all the events and I couldn't have any dreams anymore, it was heartbreaking. It has been pretty difficult since then. And I have felt so resentful of people around me like friends and relatives who have so much freedom by comparison to me. They can't imagine what I would be capable of with that kind of freedom just to essentially follow my own ends. Lately I've recognised what a problem my resentment is and I've been trying to find my way out of it. Maybe it will resolve itself when there is more wriggle room financially.

@lookfar

Life is a series of challenges I think we look at others and often think they have it so much easier but I have found that no one is exempt from pain and heartache.

I commend you for mustering up the motivation to do what was needed to get out of hospital.

As carers we often need help ourselves to help us find a way through the feelings we are having and/or to get practical assistance.

If you would like some links I can give you some - just need to know what state you are in.

Sorry for the duplicate post. I am OK! Thank you for your kind words and thoughtful links, I will read and think further over coming days. It helps to have some new ideas, things can get a bit circular in the mind.

I once had a psychiatrist tell me that my illness was "severe". Another time more recently a psychologist described my life story as "extreme". So I think it's natural that there are times when I have difficulty relating to others. I've given up trying to explain my life to people because I already know they won't understand, it's easier to just not talk about it.