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Anger as a reason to suicide...triggering.

LemonjuiceSenior Contributor16 Sept 2018, 1:35 am AEST

Anger as a reason to suicide...triggering.

I know people have this image that suicidal people are depressed and that's the reason why they suicide, but for me it's just sheer furious self-hate. I'm not depressed, I just hate me, enough that I want to suicide. Hell, I don't even bother self-harming anymore cause if you're going to be dead anyway, why bother with the pain. No, I'm not going to suicide tonight. Just pissed off with the world which says I am not allowed to suicide. Pissed off with my therapist who insists on my hanging on. I'm fat, that's all that matters to me. I'm a lazy, fat, stupid, pos and I don't want to live feeling like this anymore. I give up, no one's listening, if they did, they would be helping me euthanaze myself. Sitting with me so I don't die alone.

7 replies

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In response to: Anger as a reason to suicide...triggering.

TheVorticonSenior Contributor17 Sept 2018, 8:55 pm AEST

Re: Anger as a reason to suicide...triggering.

I just wanted to reply to you here @Lemonjuice, because even though our situations are different I have a similar link between self-directed anger and suicidal thoughts.
Although it's not entirely the same, you're not alone in this experience.
I hope you get a break from the anger and hurting, even if it's just for long enough to see that there is another part of life that might have something good in it.

In response to: Anger as a reason to suicide...triggering.

Hope4meSenior Contributor17 Sept 2018, 9:58 pm AEST

Re: Anger as a reason to suicide...triggering.

Hey @Lemonjuice and shout-out to @TheVorticon

I hear you; been there...

I'm wondering why you chose to write on here about your thoughts. Do you want someone to talk with or maybe just yell the words?

I started using forums to say what I needed to say to someone else; to be heard, acknowledged and validated. I got exactly that and 3 yrs down the track, I'm still writing.

Excessive anger can be a form of depression unfortunately. It's just expressing things differently, less socially acceptable mind you, but extremely relevant all the same.

With the fat thing; I hear you. I'm there too. If you want to yell at someone, I'm here for you ok. Just sayin'...

Take care;

Hope

In response to: Re: Anger as a reason to suicide...triggering.

LemonjuiceSenior Contributor18 Sept 2018, 4:14 pm AEST

Re: Anger as a reason to suicide...triggering.

Thank you for replying @TheVorticon. I saw my therapist yesterday, he helped bring me round a bit, feeling more positive.

In response to: Re: Anger as a reason to suicide...triggering.

LemonjuiceSenior Contributor18 Sept 2018, 4:17 pm AEST

Re: Anger as a reason to suicide...triggering.

@Hope4me, thanks for your response, I saw my therapist yesterday, he insists on my getting better...fool.😉 Feeling better.

In response to: Re: Anger as a reason to suicide...triggering.

utopiaSenior Contributor18 Sept 2018, 6:47 pm AEST

Re: Anger as a reason to suicide...triggering.

@Lemonjuice- anger can be a big part of depression. Depression is likened to fear. Same with anxiety. Anger is 100% fear. It's normal to feel anger - but it's when that anger becomes self destructive that it's a major problem. Something to talk over with your psychiatrist or psychologist.

I was struggling with anger up until about a month ago. Self anger and anger directed at every person, organisation and comments made on the news.

This wasn't like me. I'd been telling my psychiatrist for months that I was highly irritable and would snap for no good reason. But it wasn't until I was in hospital (suicide attempt ) that he could see what I had been saying. He immediately reduced my anti depressants saying they were at toxic levels and then also out me on a mood stabiliser. The anger went. The irritation went. Even the depression went.

So let them know what's happening for you .

In response to: Re: Anger as a reason to suicide...triggering.

Hope4meSenior Contributor19 Sept 2018, 1:00 pm AEST

Re: Anger as a reason to suicide...triggering.

That's great to hear @Lemonjuice!

@utopia has provided some good advice. Think I might take a page from her book actually.

Hope

In response to: Re: Anger as a reason to suicide...triggering.

utopiaSenior Contributor19 Sept 2018, 1:35 pm AEST

Re: Anger as a reason to suicide...triggering.

Good luck @Hope4me

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