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feeling low down cant get out of the rut

slackNew Contributor25 Feb 2016, 5:03 pm AEDT

feeling low down cant get out of the rut

I am stuck in a rut only worked four days in last 9 weeks always tired cant leave the house massive debts accumulating stressing my partner and her daughter.Cant go out feel as though everyone is looking at me talking behind my back . i Apply for jobs but do not follow through any further. Inside my home i am safe i am feeling guilty my daughter is going to Canada her mother and her partner have helped her i have not been financial enough to assist.I Have removed my self from FB because i could not handle seeing the post my daughter was placing thanking her mother and partner. I am supposed to have my youngest daughter nine yrs old every 2nd weekend but have been pretending to be ill so i do not have to go do things with her in public i miss her she is missing me but i just cant put my self in that situation or her . My partner has to see a specialist for a full mastectomy she needs my support my strength but at the moment she is more concerned about me thinking she is not going to get the support she needs from me I am feeling very very selfish for this. I know what i have to do i have tried all the tools i had been shown in the past on many occasions i don't want to loose another love as i have done previously because of these feelings i lost my daughters full time my wife my house my positivity .I feel this is all happening again i am so scared i just want it to stop

4 replies

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In response to: feeling low down cant get out of the rut

NikNikSenior Contributor25 Feb 2016, 8:40 pm AEDT

Re: feeling low down cant get out of the rut

Hi @slack

Welcome to the forums, I'm really glad you found us.

I'm sorry to hear that this is impacting so many areas of your life.

It sounds like you have sought out help before. You mention having tried all to tools before.

In my experience, just because something hasn't worked in the past, doesn't mean it won't work in the future. I found this to be true for me when I was trying mindfulness. It never worked for me a few years ago, and I revisited it at the end of last year and found I really connected with it.

Have you found anything useful in the past?

Again, welcome to the forums - I hope you find this community helpful.

In response to: Re: feeling low down cant get out of the rut

Unknown userMember26 Feb 2016, 5:08 pm AEDT

Re: feeling low down cant get out of the rut

Hi @slack,

It sounds like you’re feeling pressure from a lot of different directions at the moment. When you try to think about them all at once, I’m wondering if all feels pretty overwhelming? I know when I’ve got lots of things on my mind, thinking about them all at once paralyzes me and makes it really hard to do anything.

I’m wondering if there is some small part of this situation you could focus on and maybe set one small, achievable goal to try and get yourself unstuck? Sometimes just getting on thing off the to-do list can give us a sense of momentum and build our confidence to take on another challenge. It’s not easy for sure, but you just have to take it one step at a time! Sometimes anxiety and fear can make us feel like we’re being help captive and that we have no power, when we really do!

You mentioned you’re having trouble leaving the house at the moment? I know fellow member @Jacques sometimes has a hard time with this too. You also mentioned you’re finding it hard to make it to work as well. Fellow members @BamBam, @Former-Member and @Slybaby have been having a really great discussion about some similar difficulties here. You might want to have a read of this post and join in the discussion!

I’m wondering if anyone else has any thoughts or suggestions for @slack? @Appleblossom, @Former-Member, @MoonGal, @Mazarita, feel free to jump in and share your thoughts if you like.

Welcome again @slack! We look forward to hearing from you.

supernova.

In response to: feeling low down cant get out of the rut

RosalieannContributor26 Feb 2016, 5:37 pm AEDT

Re: feeling low down cant get out of the rut

Hi there,
I understand what it's like to feel trapped in a state of being overwhelmed and unhappy.
When my parents went through a divorce a hated my dad for a very long time. He had cheated on my mum and I felt he divorced me and my sister too. I admittedly pushed him away but I only did that because I wanted to know he could still love and care for me just the same if I did. He put so much effort time and love in to his new relationship and her kids he neglected me and my sister. He rarely called, made the effort to see us ect. It broke my heart and my strong sisters too. He didn't know how to comfort us. It left a big gap. Please keep trying with your children they need you and want you more than you will ever know. Comfort them let them know you want to be there to support them that you want to understand them. Know they are grieving. But also focus on you as well. Something my father still doesn't do. He is a puppet to his new wife. You need to work on you, to be stronger and happier it may seem selfish but you aren't forgetting your kids if anything it will make you a better dad but please don't forget to show them how much you love them because it breaks hearts that can never fully be mended.

In response to: Re: feeling low down cant get out of the rut

AppleblossomSenior Contributor29 Feb 2016, 2:26 am AEDT

Re: feeling low down cant get out of the rut

Sometimes we are depleted .. emotionally and financially.

Finding ways to build up our sense of self esteem can be difficult.

A lot of people a leaving facebook as it generates competitiveness ... and maybe false expectations ... you are not alone in that.

We can only work and make lots of money when we are well ... though others may have the advantage of inheritance etc ... keep to what is practically viable for you. Encourage dignity in what you have, with your daughter, rather than worrying about others with overloaded credit cards.

I lost my dad at 11 and his needs obviously werent met .. cos he died of pneumonia at 45 .. balancing other's expectations is tricky .. some want a millionaire ... I would have been happy with my family members lasting a little longer and my mother being more realistic in her expectations ... dont give a shit about money ...

See your daughter ... poor or not ... go to the beach ... or go bush ... one year .. we went weekends to a new beach in Port jackson in Sydney ... it just cost a bus fare and a picnic ... but it gave me positive memories that were the basis of most of my strengths .. my swimming, fitness and love of the water and environment.

If energy is low acknowledge it to her ... she will be able to see it anyway... it can be amodelling for when her energy is low ... you are the only person on earth who will ever be her biological father.

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