I need some info to go forward to help grief healing

Hi @Dark_Olena

I know about your despair about your mother and your "saintly, arrogant and toxic" sister and I get that - honestly you could be talking about my sister and my mother's affairs before and after death

This is a really horrible - I know - and you might never know the circumstances surrounding your mother's death - as I won't - though I don't think anything suspicious happened in my mother's case. But I know how torn up about all of this you are - or rather - I have an idea

But I don't know what you can do about it

It's still not three weeks since your mother died and of course you are over your head in grief and I know this is a complex grief and will take longer to resolve

You have the right to feel as you do - I would expect this to be very hard for you even under better circumstances but you are in a really bad place

Have your other sisters talked about this at all? If you are able to pool your resources then you might be able to find a way to learn something together

It's tough Olena - I know this - I wish I had something really constructive to tell you but alas - I had to just let it go for my own well-being - I saw a psychologist about it after my mother had died -

One place you might get some help is Grief Line - you can call this up in your browser and it's based in Melbourne with one number for local calls and another for interstate calls - if you like I can find the numbers for you - I have found them helpful to talk to from time to time

I wish you the best - it's a really hard place you are in right now

Dec

Hi @Dark_Olena,

It sounds like you have been through a very painful ordeal. I can understand how not knowing the details surrounding your mothers death could be making it even harder to cope with.

I am with @Owlunar on this one in being unsure what you might be able to actually do to uncover those details. It does seem like it might be really helpful for you to keep sharing and talking about what you are going through, with both supportive loved ones and also perhaps a professional counselor or psychologist?

Sometimes when thoughts are going round in circles, speaking to others can help to break the rumination cycle. It can also help to take the edge of the lonliness that is an inevitable part of losing somebody special.

I hope that this gets easier for you soon.

All the best,

Chamomile.

@Dark_Olena

My sister was similarly controlling and divisive, but my mother also contributed to that. Around the time of her death I was very distressed and consumed by various family issues.

I asked to speak to a social worker attched to the unit. She said her role was to help with grief responses of family. There was also a sympathetic nurse who helped me. It usually is not only about NOK but for all legit family members. I would report that comment, as once having established some contact, they ought to be mindful ...

The most important thing is to find a way of reconciling yourself to her passing, which respects YOUR relationship with her. Find a way to make sufficient peace. I admit my mother was an extraordinary but very difficult woman.

SInce her death a few years ago, I have been much freer of her negative influences and been getting on with my life, at last less burdened.

I hope you find some peace too.