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Sorry if I offend anyone

Unknown userMember06 Sept 2018, 7:21 am AEST

Sorry if I offend anyone

Yesterday afternoon I had church people knock on the door. I was already not in the mood for socialising but I stayed polite anyway.

So they were handing out the usual pamphlets but one of them noticing my bandaged leg made a remark that if I was attending church I wouldn't need to hurt my self. So I lost my cool a little and told him that attending church didn't help me as a child and didn't take away the pain of my childhood as an adult. He talked abit more then said the one line I absolutely hate, "God has a plan for everybody", so this is where my politeness ended, and I told him if Gods plan was for a 3 year old girl to be sexually and physically abused her whole life and no one help her or save her then Im not sure I like being a baptized Christian and threw the pamphlets in the bin near the door.

I might have gone a little far but I can't stand that line.

Sorry turned into more of a vent

8 replies

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In response to: Sorry if I offend anyone

BlueBaySenior Contributor06 Sept 2018, 8:10 am AEST

Re: Sorry if I offend anyone

Hugs @Former-Member

I’m sorry that you went through childhood

abuse at such a very young age. you know if that was me I would have said the same thing to those people. And how rude of him to to mention your bandaged leg. I have no time for them anymore. They don’t come to my area.

I was abused as a child and I asked myself so many times why didn’t God protect me.

Tske care ❤️❤️

In response to: Sorry if I offend anyone

BunniekinsSenior Contributor06 Sept 2018, 9:07 am AEST

Re: Sorry if I offend anyone

@Former-Member Hi BabyDragon I get that line with my disabled son .... and what is worse people have said it to him! He has said to me that if that is god's plan he doesn't want anything to do with that god.

In response to: Sorry if I offend anyone

Unknown userMember06 Sept 2018, 9:56 am AEST

Re: Sorry if I offend anyone

Words can be so hurtful can't they! I do so love seeing helpful and supportive words through the forum between members.

This is a difficult discussion as I understand your point of view and feelings but it is still important to be respectful of all faiths, even if you don't align with them. I think the words themselves can have triggers no matter who says them or what they relate to. Having a plan that is out of our hands, can for some be a triggering thought. I am sorry you have been through such trauma @Former-Member, god to see supports here like @BlueBay and @Bunniekins.

Perhaps we could discuss the impact of peoples words here instead, regardless of religion? What do others do when a throw away comment comes at them that triggers them? How can we engage in managing our feelings - do you ever feel like you could keep your cool and provide your point of view to help educate others in the stigmas around mental health and trauma? (WAY easier said than done, I know! so lets share our thoughts around this!)

In response to: Re: Sorry if I offend anyone

Unknown userMember06 Sept 2018, 10:41 am AEST

Re: Sorry if I offend anyone

Hi @Bunniekins and @BlueBay,

Thanks for your understanding and support. It's sad that they said that to your son aswel.

Hi @Former-Member,

I understand what you are saying and yes not all throw away comments are religious in nature.

Another one that is triggering is "boys will be boys", this was said to me by a foster carer after their son had touched me inappropriately. I hate that it is used to disregard disrespectful behaviour, at least now I am teaching my son that respect matters, and it doesn't matter what gender you are. And I know girls have their own excuses too and when I have a girl I will teach her the same thing.

In response to: Sorry if I offend anyone

MDTSenior Contributor06 Sept 2018, 11:15 am AEST

Re: Sorry if I offend anyone

hey @Former-Member

I didn't want to "like" your post but i did so as a way of letting you know i understand the frustration you have towards religion and god etc.

I wasn't raised in a church family but i attended one when i was younger and it didn't help my psychological development. There were skeptics of mental illness there who believed that prayer and healing could do the magic trick for us, that 'the devil' was to blame for depression etc.

They also had a very warped attitude towards sex and i think that this is a problem in churches full stop.

I can see how frustrated you were when they said that to you, and to be honest I don't think you did anything wrong. I mean yes, it might've felt bad for you to do that but what you said came from a place of hurt and pain and for them to say "you wouldn't have to hurt yourself if you came to church" is just flat out disgusting.

the whole "god has a plan for everyone" is probably the most insulting thing to hear I think so rest assured for what it is worth - i empathize with where you are coming from.

In response to: Re: Sorry if I offend anyone

MDTSenior Contributor06 Sept 2018, 11:16 am AEST

Re: Sorry if I offend anyone

your son is a wise man @Bunniekins 🙂

In response to: Re: Sorry if I offend anyone

MDTSenior Contributor06 Sept 2018, 11:21 am AEST

Re: Sorry if I offend anyone

@Former-Member in regards to education and discussion I agree. However sometimes there are rusted on attitudes that are hard to deal with and i think it's best to avoid engaging with this sort of mindset because it will only lead to more hurt.

I'm not generalising that all religious people have this attitude too. I know religious people who are very accepting of mental health and a lot of religious charities are helping the mentally ill.

The example that @Former-Member talks about is just flat out wrong. You don't do that, regardless of religion. In the end I know they don't represent the majority view of the religious people in society and the attitudes towards mental health. So as you said, it was a throw away line and attitude that came from a place of ignorance.

In response to: Re: Sorry if I offend anyone

TABSenior Contributor06 Sept 2018, 9:45 pm AEST

Re: Sorry if I offend anyone

... At the get go I’m not religious welldo not believe or follow the bible. I was made to go to Sunday school and church and what passed for older Sunday School group which somehow landed me and siblings with scary old single man who was some sort of self proclaimed missionary well he shouldn’t have been anywhere near children. Anyway nothing happened just felt unsafe esp when somehow ended up at his house for ok god knows what reason. He was nuts at the least. Anyway around age 5 I had recurring nightmares about friends of families daughter and other stuff was weird dont know if told anyone but involved taking my clothes off on pretext that I’d been wet by garden hose by her/them turning it on me. And dreams always involved poo well one main variant of dreams. Probably would explain disturbed/different childhood I don’t know. I don’t want to know

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