Abandonment difficulties

Hi @Whiteknight, thanks for opening up here about this. I can see that your writing and the way you express yourself is really thoughtful. It's also not easy to get to a place of acceptance or look for the positives in situations like what you described so hats off to you for getting both of those perspectives in there.

Friendships and relationships are really connected to our wellbeing and do hurt when things don't go as expected. You've asked some really good questions there so hopefully some more folks will jump into the conversation soon.

I don't know if you'll find this interesting or not, but because I'm new here I was browsing around the forums and found this old Topic Tuesday from a few years ago on friendships and relationships, I thought it was an interesting read...

Thankyou @s-jay

I'll have a read.

Wk

Good read @s-jay

Stigma...is mentioned. I think it is just as bad suffering stigma AND being treated that way but not being informed. Like ones ftiend is

(Hit wrong button)

Like ones friend is keeping their prejudices secret. If this occurs its likely they know their intolerance of a friends mental illness isnt empathetic.

Also, our illness makes us vulnerable to hurt.

I read a google quote. Something like this "I feel I miss my friend, then realise, I miss my old friend that is no longer there" That is why I grieve for so long.

Reminiscing over what used to be means not living for the present nor future. The other party likely doesnt feel the same way, if they did, one would know it with some return communication.

That has helped me immensely.

Thanks @s-jay

Wk

Hi @Whiteknight

this topic is a really hard and emotional one for me. As you know I have BPD and mother issues. I’ve had abandonment issues from a child when I was sexually abused. I struggle when someone says the wrong words to me that to me mean abandonment or rejection. For eg one of the doctors at my clinic mentioned that I could go to another clinic for my asthma. Instantly I thought that’s it he hates me, he’s abandoned me, he doesn’t want to know me anymore. Also my regular doctor has put a boundary that I can only see him once a fortnight to help with my intensity of previous visits because of BPD Agsin when he told me I thought abandonment.

my psychologist of five yrs told me he couldn’t see me anymore because he couldn’t help - that sent me into feeling abandoned and rejected. That took a long time to get over.

I dont know how you work through abandonment. All I know is that it’s tough really tough emotional and scary to be abandoned.

Hi @BlueBay

Exactly how I feel to. Same reactions. I feel there are two things that can help

-clarifucation and reassurance. Try to talk to the person more about it. Thats if they will talk, in my case my old friend didnt communicate.

-time. Eg since writing my post I've come to some personal resolution through time and the positive of not tolerating those idiosyncrasies my old friend has.

Insecurity through fear of abandonment is a real fear @BlueBay

Wk

@Whiteknight

Yesh I do talk a bit about abandonment to my doctor. He’s fully aware of my BPD snd how abandonment and rejection affect me. If he sees me upset he will reassure me a few times so I understsbd it’s ok.

Its still tough though.

@BlueBay

As @s-jay mentioned, I'm lucky because I always seek positives out of any situation and that wired habit pulls me through most times.

You also have the benefit of insight. Awareness of your abandonment issues. Insight is half way to acceptance imo. But the other half of the battle is harder still to accomplish. Rarely is it fully conquered. Thats why its hard. In physical yerms its like losing an arm. We can adapt to using a hook but it will be frustrating as it will never do what our arm did for us.