Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

I never knew I could lie.

Unknown userMember19 Feb 2016, 11:00 am AEDT

I never knew I could lie.

I think I'm turning into an evil person. My family believe that I'm on my medication and what my husband hears me swallowing at night are my pills when they are just pain killers. I actually got him to buy me a packet yesterday as I've been to all the local shops and in to recent time and just lied to him I had pain. I never have ever lied to him and I don't feel bad about it. They also think I'm going to see my shrink today. I'm not. I can't keep going back reliving my childhood and bringing up the pain then meant to still love my family and talk to them. It's to confusing. Plus I'm over learning how messed up I am. I did the lame post on Facebook a call out for help as I really wanted to die the other night and not one single friend replied. And what gets me these people every week share a beyond blue look out for friends with deppresion post with a caption I'm here for anyone with depression I love you so much we can get through this together. And here's me going through pure hell but the face book lie post is meant to make me feel loved and supported. Has anyone else come across that? I'm on the verge of calling everyone one of them and telling them to stick it. And I'm normally not like that. But they have pushed me to the edge with there fakeness and stupidity. Who knows how I got through that night though. I must be stronger then I thought.

6 replies

1 - 6 of 6

In response to: I never knew I could lie.

Unknown userMember19 Feb 2016, 4:09 pm AEDT

Re: I never knew I could lie.

Hi @Former-Member,

I’m really sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you at the moment. It sounds like you had a rough night the other night but you managed to find some strength to pull through. I’m wondering, what strategies did you draw on that night to help you? Sometime we can surprise ourselves when the chips are down. It sounds like you’ve discovered a new inner strength that you didn’t know was there? I think that’s a realisation to hold on to.

I hope today is a better day for you - please take care of yourself.

And remember, you can always contact these services below if you need someone to talk to:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat
Suicide Callback Service: 1300 659 467 or Online Counselling
If in immediate danger: 000

All the best,
supernova.

In response to: I never knew I could lie.

Unknown userMember19 Feb 2016, 11:38 pm AEDT

Re: I never knew I could lie.

I watched a bunch of DVDs, did online dream shopping, keept telling myself everything will be ok in the morning, looked at my calendar with all the exciting things coming up and planned what I'm wearing and eating, and being dead honest a ton of self harm to get the yucky out of me and help me breath.

Today I had a few break downs in the morning, I went on a shopping spree ate a cake. Then I thought I'm getting rid of everyone that upsets me off my Facebook and that made me feel good. Then I had to be human and work and councel a poor girl who's being picked on at work then my father tried to call me on a new number which really upset me so I had to block that and got very upset so I brought hair dye and changed my image. I was meant to go out with girl friends but I don't think me in a crowed place drunk is the smartest idea so I'm keeping to myself a bit.

In response to: Re: I never knew I could lie.

AppleblossomSenior Contributor20 Feb 2016, 3:02 am AEDT

Re: I never knew I could lie.

@Former-Member

Sometimes we go through internal changes. Sometimes we dont really fit in with a social group or are wanting to relate to people differently. Sometimes its better to say something directly. If you want change then it also could be a good idea to move on quietly and directly in a direction that you could be able to be genuine.

Most people get upset by hipocrisy.

Take care

In response to: I never knew I could lie.

Unknown userMember22 Feb 2016, 12:29 am AEDT

Re: I never knew I could lie.

Just found out tonight for my husbands big birthday and his mums big birthday all the brothers and sisters want to go overseas. I started crying straight away. How the heck am I meant to get on a plane to a place I don't know with people I think that hate me and be stuck with them!!!

So now my husband has to tell them that idea is out of the question due to my fear and they are going to get more shitty with me. And this is going to result with them doing another party and renting a holiday house some where nice and them comparing it to Bali or them all going and my hubby not getting the party he deserves. I told him he could go. I won't be upset I want him to have fun.

I just really feel like I'm destroying his life. He's mate didn't even invite him to a wedding reception because of me and my illness and he's a physc nurse! And I would nor have ever made a public sceen. Not my style. I carry everything inside and explode at home.

I just wish he would fall out of love with me and marry someone beautiful inside and out because at the moment I'm none of them and don't know if I will ever be beautiful again.

In response to: Re: I never knew I could lie.

ShimmerSenior Contributor22 Feb 2016, 1:49 pm AEDT

Re: I never knew I could lie.

Hi @Former-Member

It sounds like things are really hard for you at the moment, I'm sorry to hear it.

It's understandable that you would be reluctant to see your shrink (psychologist or psychiatrist?) if your sessions are making you relive your childhood and bringing up lots of pain. I'm wondering, have you been able to have a conversation with them to let them know that you don't find discussing the past helpful? Collaborative practitioners aim to work with their clients to decide what it would be most helpful to work on - it might be good to let them know what you need so you can get something positive out of therapy.

It's so clear how much you care about your husband It sounds really stressful trying to organise something that will work for everyone for his birthday. Have you spoken to him about how you are feeling in regards to him?

Keep looking after yourself @Former-Member

In response to: I never knew I could lie.

Unknown userMember23 Feb 2016, 12:34 am AEDT

Re: I never knew I could lie.

We have tried talking about different areas of my life and even the future and I still can't handle it. I like my doctor he's really cool but I just don't want to face anything at the moment. I gave it a try and he has come to the conclusion some how I'm riding on two trains. One full of distrust, anger, scared, strong, independent and hates the world. Second one wanting to be accepted in and nice and he's like most people are on one train and with you we need to figure out how to merge them. So that's basicly as far as I got and I'm just going to chill on my trains.

I'm not stressed at planing something. That's actually something I thrive at as I'm in control and I love that. It's the issue if he's family's voice becomes to big and try to convince him to have a double party where all his mums music will be played and her friends come and her food served and he will be an after thought. And I don't mind batteling them about that because my husband wants more his own thing. But he doesn't have a voice he won't stand beside me when I'm fighting for him and just give into his family because he wants them to be happy in a second which will make me look stupid and cause us to fight. Does my head in and I look like the bad guy and feel stupid. I've told him this though and warned him I'm not going to war with out him and if he wants a shity no say party with nothing about him I'm not going.

I've sat my husband down about my issues of not being good enough and even took of my rings and gave them to him and told him he's young beautiful and amazing and I can't offer much and to leave me and find someone who can offer him everything he wants and I won't be upset because all I want is the best for him. I got him to sleep on it for days but he still wants me. I don't understand why.

1 - 6 of 6