YellowDayCasual Contributor
Mentally ill son severs contact
Hello everyone. My first time here and I hope to find support and understanding. My story is almost too sad to speak about but I have to try. From the time my two children were born I knew there was something 'different' about them. Particularly the youngest, but despite a constant round of visits to dosctor and psychologists nobody picked up that she had Aspergers with associated cognitive processing disorders. When she reached her late teens she developed an eating disorder, quite possible a personality disorder and then before we knew it, she was gone, took her own life two months after her 19th birthday. We were totally blindsided as we were close and helped her with life and loved her dearly. That was nearly three years ago and we still grieve.
Our son, a few years older was as traumatize as us, but there was something more to his difficulties and we realised he too had Aspergers, without the cognitive processing disorders. But he also had what appeared to be a very big narcissistic streak, then he managed to shed all his school friends, spent his time in his room, lost any job he went for, and was quite alienated from everyone. He was distant from us all his teens and early 20's, whereas our daughter was close.
Now over the last 12 months he has developed what a psychitrist has called schitzotypal personality disorder. He has no close friends or family. He does have a university degree and is back studying but he is paranoid about any sort of friendship or relationship as he feels he cannot trust people, even us. He says we may be narcissist out to manipulate him.
He cannot cope with criticism or being challeneged in any way. He is not financially stable and asks for help when he needs it, which we give. He appears to be going through a very paranoid state at the moment and has cut off his phone and social media sites. My husband drove to his home but son wouldn't answer.
Having lost one child to mental illness I am terrified of losing my surviving child. But I also feel very angry with him. He miscontrues helping him as some sort of attempt to get a hold on him. I know there is not much I can do, just hope the bonds of infancy and childhood remain somewhere inside his poor brain and that he will come back to us.
I don't want him to make up for his sister, or fill my mothering needs, or anything like that. I have other things to do, but he feels any reaching out to him as overwhelming.
I feel there is nothing I can do now but let go and hope. If I reach out he will misunderstand. But given his fragility I would just like to know that he is ok. He doesn't have to see either of us, just as long as he is ok.
It hurts though. I've lost my two babies after being a stay-at-home mother for 22 years. There is a history of mental illness on my husband's side of the family, autism, a brother and cousin with schitzophrenia, personality disorders, depression, anxiety, and we both feel like we've been cursed. Like we have been picked out for this and punished.
I am reaching out for support because I am so sad. I suffer complicated grief and depression, I have a very good psychiatrist and wonderful friends, but I've lost my children ....
