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Setting expectations!

BamBamSenior Contributor15 Feb 2016, 5:51 pm AEDT

Setting expectations!

I started a TAFE course this semester as I wanted something simple to give me something to do following a hospital admission over Christmas period.

So everything was fine, and I started talking to this girl at TAFE about class stuff. She is about 10 years younger than me (like most of the class) and I don't have friends so I was excited that she took time to want to know me. I started fantasising that we would go out and pash somewhere (btw, despite the age difference I'm not so old that this would be inappropriate)...just a fantasy, but it still took over me a bit.

Then the next day a new guy came to class and hit it off with this girl. He was more her age and they therefore had more in common. So down came my grand plans of having social contact at TAFE. As a result I have dropped out of the course and applied for a different one. I was also numbing myself on computer games and Netflix for a while.

Questions I have...was I silly to have high hopes, and did I overreact at the sudden loss of this social opportunity? Certainly it seems small, but given my social anxiety I'm convinced it's psychological in nature. Any thoughts?

2 replies

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In response to: Setting expectations!

AppleblossomSenior Contributor15 Feb 2016, 6:45 pm AEDT

Re: Setting expectations!

I am not sure about leaving the course .. maybe there other reasons it wasnt right for you.

I often have huge crushes and fantasies about people ... it can be painful and embarrassing ... but as I age ... I am gradually less worried about it .. I am accepting it as a perk of getting older ...

Maybe its not too late to go back ... or enrol in a new one .. just live and learn .. there are a lot of beautiful souls out there ... she may have a valued having an older female to talk about her new relationship with ... you just dont know ... sometimes it is the passing short encounters that help us clarify who we are in the long term ....

Good Luck @BamBam

In response to: Re: Setting expectations!

NikNikSenior Contributor18 Feb 2016, 10:29 pm AEDT

Re: Setting expectations!

Hi @BamBam

Good on you for getting out there! It sounds like TAFE was good for two reason - social and to study something interesting.

Were you particularly interested in the course content itself? It seems a shame to drop out if you found the course engaging.

It's not unreasonable to have high hopes of a friendship / relationship, so don't be too tough on yourself. Friendships form and evolve at different paces and in different ways, especially if you're seeing someone on a regular basis.

In my experience, being in a class/ study group, the dynamics change and flow throughout the year. Sometimes you get closer to some people more than others, and sometimes that closeness changes throughout the year. For example, you have to do group work with some people, and for that period you're quite close, but then after the project is done, you might remain acquiantences and friendly, or you might really bond with some people and remain close with them.

I guess what I'm saying is that in a classroom environment, the dynamics are always changing and people often have a variety of friends in the class, so just because someone hits it off with someone else, doesn't mean there isn't room for a friendship with you 🙂

I hope this makes sense - I think I rambled a bit.

I really hope you re-enroll or choose another course 🙂

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