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BPDdaughter

AastcsCasual Contributor02 Aug 2018, 9:51 am AEST

BPDdaughter

Hi, I am new to this & I’m looking for ways to help my daughter. She was diagnosed with BPD 6 months ago after being hospitalised for the first & only time after many breakdowns/outbursts at home. Most of it during the day while my husband & I was at work & had no idea this was going on. She had her boyfriend at our house during the day & the arguing & disagreements would result in the use of abusive language & yelling which we witnessed one evening while watching TV. We tried to stop the argument & we were yelled at not to come near her & to leave her alone. She’s been on medication for the past 6 months which have been changed by more being added to it since she was diagnosed. She had to leave her job approximately 18 months ago due to anxiety & depression from a previous relationship when she lived away from home. She’s been seeing a Psychologist on a weekly basis & have seen a Psychiatrist as well over the past 3 months. She will not discuss anything with myself & her dad. She pass comments like she’s been unhappy all her life & the child in all the family photos is not her. Over the past 4 weeks she’s started smashing things at home. When we ask if she’d like to talk to us she replies that she’s ok. When she have an episode & we leave work to be home , she’s not happy that we did this. We both work full time. Recently after a “ bad day” ( in her words) she would leave home & just tell us that she’s staying the night at a friend’s place. We have no idea & we would not dare ask who or where as she has cut off a lot of her friends since her diagnosis. I am wondering if I should take extended leave from my job to be home more during the day as she is unfit to work & is pushing us further & further away.

6 replies

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In response to: BPDdaughter

DeterminedSenior Contributor02 Aug 2018, 9:16 pm AEST

Re: BPDdaughter

Hi @Aastcs and welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry I dont have many answers for you but I wanted to let you know you are not alone.

I support my wife who lives with bpd and some of the behaviours you have described are familiar.

Do you and your husband have any support for yourselves, individually and as a couple?

I think this is really important. I'm not sure what else I can add right now. It has been a long day and I quite weary. I just wanted you to know you have been heard. Happy to answer any questions though.

@Smc may be able to add something as she supports a daughter through some trials (not bpd but still significant)

Hope you dont mind me tagging you here @smc

In response to: BPDdaughter

SmcSenior Contributor02 Aug 2018, 9:49 pm AEST

Re: BPDdaughter

Hi @Aastcs.

Will second what @Determined said about getting support. It's important to have backup from someone who understands mental illness, and the effect it can have on a family.

BPD often has an odd double sided thing, where the person feels unloved, but then they act in such a way that it seems like they're trying to make themselves unloveable, as if they need to prove their feelings are correct.

That may also be part of what's behind her comments about being "unhappy all her life". She may not actually have been, but may be unconsciously "re-writing" her memories to fit the insecurity that goes along with BPD.

It's complex stuff, which is another reason to get professional support for yourselves. I see a psychologist regulalry myself, both for help in managing the pressure I'm under, and because it helps to be able to discuss my understanding of my daughter's situation with someone who is actually qualified in the field. If a psychologist isn't workable, or doesn't suit you, there may be a local carer support group in your area.

In response to: Re: BPDdaughter

AastcsCasual Contributor02 Aug 2018, 10:46 pm AEST

Re: BPDdaughter

@Determined Thanks so much. No , we do not have any support for ourselves at this stage. Will definitely look into that. Take care.

In response to: Re: BPDdaughter

AastcsCasual Contributor02 Aug 2018, 10:59 pm AEST

Re: BPDdaughter

Hi,

@Smc Thanks so much for accepting being tagged & your explanation below. It definitely makes sense. I will look into getting professional help for my husband & I as it sounds like that’s exactly what we need. Take care .

In response to: Re: BPDdaughter

DeterminedSenior Contributor03 Aug 2018, 11:56 am AEST

Re: BPDdaughter

@Aastcs I have been highly reccomend the book walking on eggshells by a number of people including councillors. I managed to get the ebook but have not read it. Worth a look though if you can get it.

I got the ebook from booktopia but it is a bit hard to get along with so I want to try get a hard copy.

In response to: Re: BPDdaughter

AastcsCasual Contributor03 Aug 2018, 12:36 pm AEST

Re: BPDdaughter

Hi @Determined,

Thanks so much. I will have a look for the hard copy as well. Will get back to you if I find it. Thanks a million , it’s a good feeling knowing my husband & I are not on this journey alone. Much appreciated.

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