My story- i feel like i'm done

Hi @micholas

Welcome firstly to the forums, it's a great place to get support, share our experiences and be among peers.

It sounds like you're in a pretty tough place right now, and your depression and anxiety are really making life difficult for you.That is of course impacting on getting and maintaining employment, and adding stress on top of everything else.

A lot of what you are feeling and thinking is your depression and anxiety feeding negative thoughts and lies. It's telling you that you aren't good enough, that you are a failure and a burden, and to give up. Try not to feed it energy, it will just feed you more negative thoughts and lies.

Although it might not be ideal for you, is there anyway you could take a few months off just to give yourself a break, and to give you time to get back on your feet? From the little of what I have read of your story, I don't think your mother or family think you would be a burden. Perhaps think of the support they give you like a loan, and you'll pay them back when you are working more regular hours. Can you go onto Centrelink payments to help you out a little? If your GP gives you a medical certificate, you can still claim Newstart, but are exempt from looking for work.

I haven't worked for a year now, due to my severe depression and anxiety. It has been financially very stressful as well as emotionally stressful. I pretty much have the same feelings as you, but I am trying to accept in order to be well, able to work and be productive, I need to devote time to my health. Having a mental illness is a significant challenge in much the same way as a physical illness.I have had financial help from my sister, unasked for by me, which leaves me with feelings of shame and guilt, and feeling too like I burden people with my presence.

You most certainly aren't a waste of a human nor are you a burden. You are someone who is unwell, and need time to get better. You are extremely important and I am sure very much loved by your family and friends, and you matter to them a great deal.

Have you spoken to your GP at all about your mental illness? They can help a lot with getting a pyschologist or pyschiatrist under the Mental Health Care Plan (this gives you up to 10 sessions for free).

Please reach out here for support and encouragement. Take a look around the forums, lots of different threads on here of different topics, including some less serious social threads like Especially Cats or Especially Dogs, some general chat threads and more.

If you want to talk to someone in particular you need to put an @ first and a drop down menu will appear with the people most recently on this thread. If it's someone else just start typing their name and it will eventually come up. Click on it, and usually they will get a notification. So my user name is @Sans911.

I want to say it takes courage to post your first post, so well done. I wish you all the best on your journey to recovery, and myself and lot's of other amazing, caring and supportive people are here to help, guide and encourage along the way.

Hello @Sans911

Thank you so much for your kind message and for sharing your story with me.

I'm feeling better today. I had a think this morning about what I want to do, and I think going home for a bit to recover is what I need. The job that I interviewed for yesterday sounds very high stress and beyond my abilities at the moment. I'm feeling ok with that.

Like you said, I need to get well and I think once I'm back home I will focus on getting a good GP and going to some counselling sessions. I've been on medication earlier this year and the one i was on wasn't so good for me, but I do think I'd like to try a different medication. I had a chat to my mum and I'm going to be staying with her from tomorrow and next week I'm going to start looking at options with centrelink

I've been wanting to study for a long time as well, specifically a diploma of counselling and then hopefully move into a bachelors degree. There is an open day for the institution that i want to attend next sunday which I'm going to go to. I feel like I'm being guided towards a path that will allow me to return to study and do something meaningful.

I've been thinking about all of this for a while and it feels like now is the right time to put it all into action. I'm feeling anxious about the changes and the work ahead. But I'm trying to remember to just chip away at things.

Thanks so much again for your response and I'm looking forward to chatting to and the other members.

@micholasLovely to hear back from you, and I am glad I could be of a little help.

It sounds like you have a good think about things, which is good to hear. Definitely, getting on the right medication, if that is what's needed, is a step in the right direction. Sometimes it takes a while and a few trials to get the right type of medication to start feeling better. So try to be patient with your recovery.

Just try not to think to far ahead, as you will have good days and not so good. While goals are important and give you hope, be realistic about what you can achieve at the moment. Just take small steps, small goals without too much expectation so dissapointments won't leave you feeling hopeless and despairing.

It does seem like you made some smart decisions already, and you mother appears to be really supportive, which is such a big help. I am looking forward to hear how you are going, and all the best at the open day at the college in a week or so.

@micholas - sometimes venting on here can really help release some of the tension we are holding due to stressful situations.

You have the experience and skills to succeed in the retail environment and probably other areas as well. The problem doesn't lie with you, it's with employers who don't support their staff properly.

You might like to talk to a social worker at CentreLink and explain your mental health diagnosis and what you experienced with this last employer.

Ask for CentreLink to refer you to disability job network provider. These are different from general job networks - in that they understand your skills but also the best and safest work environment for you. They are often aware of the good employers and managers in your area. They support you and your employer for months, to make sure you are being trained properly and feel supported in that company.

I think that's all you need. A workplace that treats its staff well, provides proper training and encourages good communication between managers and other staff.

If I had a business, you would be the type of person I would employ. Skilled, eager and wanting to learn the correct way of doing things from the start.

Don't give up. Some employer is going to be lucky to hire you soon.

Thank you Utopia for your kind words!

My brother and his fiance are taking me to their doctor this morning, so I'm going to ask him for the necessary paperwork for centrelink.

You're right in what you said about needing the right employer. Considering how much time we spend at work we really do need a safe and supportive environment to work in. I had that with the job that I was made redundant from and it feels like I'm still grieving for it as weird as that sounds.

Everything feels a bit insurmountable at the moment. I need to get a new photo I.D for centrelink as my learners permit is very expired and I have no passport. I'll get my final work pay next week but will have no money coming in after that for a while. I have regular loan payments, a massive electricity bill to pay so I'm freaking out and spent most of yesterday crying. But I have to remember to just chip away at it slowly but surely.

@micholas - it's perfectly normal to grieve over a lost job - especially one you enjoyed.

Most employers are trained in communicating with staff. They lack the skills and for those of us who have an illness/disorder - we do need a safe work environment. That's one thing my psychologist explained to me.

Call your electricity company - ask for a payment plan. They will do that for you. And it will relieve you of one stress. And that can make all the difference.

@micholas

Things will seem difficult for a while, but like you yourself have said, just chip away at it. It's hard having next to no income, bills piling up and wondering how you are going to manage it all. Like @utopia has said call the electricity company and work a payment plan with them. If you need to, there are orginisations like Anglicare, St Vincent de Paul and similar in your area that may help you to pay bills. I have recently sought the help of a financial counseller because I have multiple ambulance bills in the thousands and the debt collecters are harassing me a bit. There's no shame in using these services. That's what they're there for. Call your loan company soon, and ask for a hardship agreement to either put the loan on hold for a while, or to temporarily give you some breathing space. Usually when you apply for hardship, you don't have to pay interest or fees during that time. Worst case scenario, you can apply for early release of some of your super to help you get on top of things.

I understand the grief about work. I pretty much worked for 20years in various positions as a nurse until this time last year, when I was forced to stop. I felt (and still do) like I lost everthing. My identity, my purpose, my passion, my world. Grieve like you would for anything or anyone else. It's very normal.

Really great to see you still reaching out on here, and fantastic you have a loving supportive family. You're on a journey that will have ups and downs, but you have people here that care about you too.