high functioning

Hi @-Rayne-

I can relate to this and don't think that its offensive. i'm glad you posted.

@-Rayne- Hi -Rayne- I am feeling a bit stupid here so bear with me please. I have damage there is no doubt due to trauma and it is just starting to be worked on with my psychiatrist. On the outside I might appear fine to those passing and even some family members but on the inside I am a mess. I liken it to a cactus which has died, the outside looks the same solid, slightly discoloured but still standing but if you touch it it will fall apart in your hands. Kind of crumbles away.

Is this what you mean? This facade of looking the part. I am so sorry you are having trouble re accomodation. I really hope that gets fixed up for you asap. greenpea xxx

Hi @-Rayne-,

Thank you for sharing this. I think its a really important discussion to have, and your sensitivity to others feelings is evident, and no doubt appreaciated. I have found, with the people that I speak to, that the feeling of having to cover up or hide huge parts of themselves is a struggle that is shared by many. Concealing the symptoms of MI can be a huge stress that ironically exaerbates symptoms. Im sorry that all this hard work that you are doing to fit in is creating problems for you with access to services.

Im wondering how do others cope with this? The pressure to over compensate externally for the internal struggloes and also the challenge of accessing services when one appears 'too functional'?

@Former-Member@-Rayne-@Former-Member I cope by visualizing sh. I shut myself down ... and keep low from prying eyes as it is the only way I can cope with it otherwise I would be out of control. Keep the medications going is a huge help and contact with my pdoc. So far I haven't had to deal with being 'too functional' either myself or my family.

I think i cope by not letting people in where they could see the cracks and where I could get hurt i suppose, and by over working, taking on too much and being a perfectionist. it keeps me out of my head most of the time in lots of ways but when work 'stops' i tend to crash hard. I keep fairly strong walls up - but also find it difficult because i feel like i need to prove that I'm ok (even though im not ok really) for a lot of different reasons. But like @-Rayne- i lost support services etc because im too functional and ok on the outside and anyone who can work 'must' be doing fine. there are times when i wish that someone could see inside my head and im also extremely grateful that they cant (gah!).

Hi @Greenpea and @Former-Member

@Former-Member @Bunniekins @Former-Member

thanks and also apologies. i was pretty drunk when i wrote that and not as articulate as i could have been.

i feel like ive become a master in double lives. i would have been a great cold war spy. i have a professional job, multiple degrees. i interact professionally with people who are super-achievers and one part me fits there and needs to keep fitting there. But outside of work, i’m really in a bad way and as a consequence of that, i’m physically sick and going through bankruptcy. i’m too ashamed to say here what we’re like at night when no one is watching. it’s not pretty.

it’s not just a matter of hiding my weaknesses to appear fine at work though. i feel like the work personality is one of the least well because the need to do that outranks personal safety, and everything really.

at present we have no psych assistance. we’re broke and our medicare sessions are being used up by the gender assessment we need before having surgery in december.

life will go on. i guess i just wanted to say how frustrating it is to be unwell in a way that looks like wellness.

thanks for hearing

@-Rayne- no apologies needed 🙂 Speaking for myself I have been through quite a few places in my time which were not too pretty. You are getting me a bit teary there -Rayne- .... hugs if you want if not that is okay there is a crescent moon happening atm that is my gift to you a smile in the night sky xxx

hugs are always good @Bunniekins thanks.

i have job interviews next week. i need a better paid job but so much stress. i hate job interviews more than anything else. really we just want to curl up and give up at this point but won’t. we’ll be compelled forward into whatever awaits, Excelling ourselves to death.

@-Rayne- Hi -Rayne- wishing you luck with the job interviews next week. I hope you find the perfect job that gives you better pay but without too much additional stress. Yes job interviews are awful I couldn't agree with you more there hoping yours goes swimmingly. Right now is a time where I wanted to just curl up and give up but thanks to your words I wont 🙂 As you said 'be compelled forward into whatever awaits, Excelling ourselves to death.' Cheers -Rayne- I needed to hear those words 🙂 love gp

Hey @-Rayne- long time no see.

I also relate to your "excelling ourselves to death" phrase.

You have a lot to manage. Good luck with your big decisions.