So lonely

Hi Cinderella

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your contribution.

I was moved by your post. It is clear that you are facing a lot of sadness and lonliness. You mentioned that your husband is your best friend and that you miss him, which makes me wonder what things are like between you two when he is not so unwell.

I hope by posting on this forum you get a sense that you truely are not alone in your struggle. I imagine there are many people on this forum who understand the lonliness and the practical hardship that you are going through.

Again I want to say Welcome and that I hope you find some of the support that you need here.

Victor

Hi @Cinderella, Thankyou for sharing some of your experience and hardship with us. I can identify so much with the loneliness and other feelings that we deal with on a daily basis when we are carers for immediate family. I'm a single mum with depression and anxiety and I am caring for my 15 year old daughter diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, anorexia nervosa, depression and anxiety. My son has generalised anxiety disorder, panic disorder and both of them have symptoms of childhood trauma and social skills deficits. I have been unable to work for about five years now also and my decision to prioritise caring for my children's conditions has prevented me from socialising and developing my own meaningful life outside of my role as a carer.

My role is very demanding which makes it very difficult for me to be able to give very much time and energy to relationships outside of our home. I've mentioned this before in other threads but things have turned around for us over the last few months or so when I was referred by an attending police officer to child welfare services and we were deemed a priority in getting some support. I now have a social worker that can visit me in my home and support me to identify whats working and whats not working for us as a family, goals for change, help and support with the change, safety and emergency plans, respite options etc. Most of all, to have a person that I dont have to give to (as is the case with friends and family), but who is there for me has enabled me to find my feet and my daughter is now stabilised on meds, meal plan, recovery appointments and keeping herself and others around her safe. This has removed the crisis/emergency/survival lifestyle I've been living for many years. Professional support of case workers for families can help as has been my experience.

Hello @Cinderella,

I can really relate with what you have written. It is easy I think when you are working for that to be part of social network. Are you sure that doing something by yourself will make you more lonely? If I don't want to spend money I find going to the shops and just looking at stuff enjoyable. Although when I first started doing things by myself I felt guilty I think it helped my partner to want to try to do things with me.

Cheers.

I can hear how trapped you are feeling and how you are fundamentally grieving the loss of a relationship - that of your best friend. This is an ambiguous loss - in your case a psychological loss - the person is still there physically but psychologically absent. Coupled with this is the depression which has caused huge changes in your life on every conceivable level and continues to impact on your life 24/7. Add to this the feeling that you have no-one for support and I'm not the least bit suprised that you are feeling miserable and lonely. I agree that you need support to help you maintain your strength. What you are doing (and have done) is exhausting and draining and is not sustainable over a prolonged period of time without cracks starting to appear. Please speak with your GP with a view to getting into some face-to-face therapy with a psychologist (10 free via Medicare if you get a Mental Health Care Plan). It is so important to not feel alone and I would also recommend talking to a friend(s) about how YOU feel. Most people would not be aware of how your H's depression has impacted on your entire life .... unless you tell them and there is nothing wrong with that. For the best part of the crappy situation I was in (combo domestic violence/mental illness) I kept it all to myself as if it was a shameful secret. All that did was build pressure up inside of me which would often see me overwhelmed with emotions. I decided to start talking - telling friends how horrible I felt etc and that was one of the best things I could have done. Also do not hesitate to speak with counsellors via Lifeline. You do not need to be in a crisis to call them and often just off-loading how you feel is very therapeutic.

All the best

Janna ❤️

I dont know which state you are in @Cinderella. Caring when the whole family are in need cn be draining and isolating. We have a group called CarersVic .. I live in Melbourne. I think there are other carer groups. I have found it great as they keep me clear ab0out caring goals and not get swamped by general overwhelm. They also emphasise the need to get out and socialise.

Good Luck ... you are doing the toughest job and deserve help and support.