My BiPolar wife of 11 years is leaving me

Hello, and thank all of you in advance for your help and support. My wife and I have been married for about 11 years and we have a 9 year old daughter together. We have been in a relationship together since she was 19, so about 15 years. She was diagnosed with bipolar well before our marriage began.

It has been, in my opinion a very good relationship. We have had very few fights, and when we disagree we have always been able to talk through things and work it out. I admit that we had gotten into a rut. A peck on the lips hello or good bye. evenings spent on seperate couches me watching tv and her on her computer. I had mainly been sleeping on the couch for a while as my snoring bothered her sleep. Still I was shocked when, about 3 weeks ago, she told me she doesn't love me anymore and wants a divorce. She says I am a great guy, I haven't truly done anything wrong, and she wants to remain freinds.

Her mental health has never really been a factor in our relationship. she has always managed her symptoms and her medications very closely, and taken good care of herself. She has a stong sense of independance and always masked her moods and told me it is her problem to deal with and I should not worry or get involved in it. I foolishly allowed her that burdon on her own per her wishes and because it never seemed to harm our relationship. she also has an auto-immune disorder which causes her great joint pain and limits her physical activity. She is a professional mental health councilor that works with very ill, suicidal clients that have been trough truly terrible things. I know this job brings her great stress. I also know it gives her the knowledge to mask her symptoms very well, and to control conversations. She was recenlty in a scary car accident that broke a bone in her heal resulting in her having surgery to put screws in her foot. I believe that if she is in fact having a mood swing that this accident may have been the trigger. She admits to some PTSD from the accident, and walking on crutches is a great frustration for her.

She claims she is leaving me because we have grown apart, we have nothing in common, and she has deep seeded resentment from me making her feel like she is never good enough. I have never felt that way about her, I am very proud of her and her accomplishments. She also thinks I should not want to be with her because she is a self proclaimed workaholic. Again this confuses me as I don't think she is, I have never had a problem with her work ethic and have greatly supported her career and her path to achieving it.

She says divorce is not a big deal, people do it all the time and that our daughter will not be negatively impacted by it. She used to cry after loosing her temper with our daughter saying that she is "screwing her up" and yet now she thinks something as big as divorce will not affect her? Our daughter is strongly family oriented, more so I think than even other kids her age. Our daughter has also already been diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD.

SHe is refusing marriage counciling, which shocks me b/c we have always been communicators not so mention this she is herself a councilor and puts a lot of faith in the practice. she is refusing trial seperation and filed official paperwork with the courts only a couple days after announcing to me that she wanted to divorce. Even though she has filed for divorce she intends to live in our home the next three months while she gets her affects in order, and still generally carries on as if we are on good terms. she makes causual conversation with me and conducts her normal routine. the only difference is I can not touch or kiss her and after our daughter goes to bed she will retire to the spare room or bedroom rather than hang out in the living room with me. she has gotten emotional on maybe three occasions and has lost some weight. if not for those things I would think she was not feeling anything at all about this.

There are real problems such as us getting into a rut and her apparently carrying a grudge that I feel negative things about her even though I don't. I can't see that there is anything so wrong in our relationship that is doesn't warrant trying to repair however. I also find her decision making and the way she is going about this to be extremely selfish and out of character for her.

How do I figure out if this is bipolar related, some type of mid life crisis, or if she really is just chosing to go onto a different path while of sound mind?

If it is bipolar what can I expect? when the cycle ends would she suddenly regret her actions and come back around?