Husbands BPD, I can’t cope anymore.

Hi @jujugirl, I don't really have much in the way of answers for your situation but wanted to respond since no-one else has yet.

Really sorry you are going through such difficult times only two months into your marriage. The one thing I wondered about is whether it might be possible for you to do couples counselling together. That may help you both to see things that aren't clear right now, and for your husband to fully appreciate how much his aggressive and nasty behaviour is threatening your marriage.

Hopefully someone with a bit more experience of being a carer will respond to your post soon. In the meantime, I wish you the best and hope your relationship situation improves very soon.

Hi jujugirl. I’m also a new user and not really sure on best advice. But thought I would reach out to let you know your not alone. Sometimes i find visiting my GP, if for nothing more than having a good cry on the shoulders of some one who can put things back into perspective. Be strong, remind yourself of all the reasons why you love him. I wish you all the best and hope you both find your way.

*edited out all the typos

Hi @jujugirl and welcome to the forum,

I'm not sure how to answer either but just wanted to let you know you are not alone,

My wife (18 years) lives with Borderline Personality Disorder, it is rough but not impossible (for me).

One thing that really helps me, and I admit it is easy to forget, is to separate my darling from the BPD, it is very hard not to take things personally but I just try and remember when things are rough that this is not the person I married and it is the BPD talking.

Two things I wish I had done a lot earlier is to get some support for myself and to set some clear boundaries around behaviour. (And I use boundaries cautiously, I see them as loving guidelines not rules to be enforced). I have learned that people with BPD need clear boundaries to feel safe and function. That is still a work in progress for us.

Do you have family and/or a close friend you can trust and talk to?

I found this really hard as I hate talking my darling down and don't want people to think she is a horrible person, she's not, just unwell and in need of support.

It can be hard to find a professional who is a good fit and able to help but worth it when you can find that person. You are able to get 6 (and up to 10 in right circumstances) subsidised visits with a psychologist when you get a plan from a gp. Getting a plan and referral has never been a problem for me on the basis of supporting my wife.

I hope this is of some help,

Happy to try and answer any questions the best I can if there is anything you want to know.

Here is a link to a thread where I talk about some of our trials

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I know how hard BPD is. My mother has never been formally diagnosed, but reading all about the disorder was a real wake up call to the years of emotional abuse but excessive dependency.

i would really recommend reading the book ‘stop walking on eggshells’

A must for anyone living with BPD in their lives.

im sorry. I know how hard it is. I love my mother dearly too, but don’t know if I like her anymore either.

AF x

That really spoke to me. About not wanting to speak to friends/family in case you tarnish their view of her. I let off so much steam but then as soon as someone is enraged on my behalf I feel so guilty.