WhiteknightSenior Contributor
Bullying examined
Most of us have been a target of bullying. It can be so demoralising we can be scarred for life. It is also one of the worst experiences as we have no control over the bullies actions.
Well thats changing at a snails pace, but at least its going in the right direction.
There are many instances where we question, through poor self esteem, whether we were responsible in some way for their attacks on us. To blame ourselves isnt logical. We may have instigated the conflict by poorly choosing our words, we may have inadvertently provided the playground for the bully to play his/her games but...nothing justifies a bully to spin their craft.
Eg. In a car club years ago I had a dispute with a member on our forum. He'd claimed the model of his car was made in 1964. I disagreed and told him it was 1966 and suggested he refer to his car manual. A typical disagreement. He then sent me a private message "take some more meds you nutcase".
I spent the next 4 weeks or so stewing over if I'd provoked him, re-read the previous posts then questioned two other close members on the topic. Even their endorsement didnt lower my agitation and guilt. Then I googled his name....wow! There were many entries on google referring to similar conflicts on a fishing forum, also a community forum. I read these thoroughly and realised this fellow could go under the umbrella of confrontationalist.
That made me feel better. Once I expose such facts to myself I move on because I have a belief that such people find trouble with others wherever they go. In fact he upset many others soon after my ordeal.
We on the receiving end should not harbour guilt as long as we have not inflamed the situation with any verbal or physical abuse. No matter how civil we are towards others, conflict will come. We should, as a prevention of self hurt, maintain civility and try to accept that there is behaviour in our world that has an explanation we often dont get to realise...but it isnt the bullied that should suffer.
We can, through our mental illness, have symptoms that effect others like, moods, mania, anxiety and so on but it pales low in comparison to some actions by some in society.
Dont blame yourself if you are bullied and maintain civility, maturity and judgement that you have done nothing wrong.
WK
Well thats changing at a snails pace, but at least its going in the right direction.
There are many instances where we question, through poor self esteem, whether we were responsible in some way for their attacks on us. To blame ourselves isnt logical. We may have instigated the conflict by poorly choosing our words, we may have inadvertently provided the playground for the bully to play his/her games but...nothing justifies a bully to spin their craft.
Eg. In a car club years ago I had a dispute with a member on our forum. He'd claimed the model of his car was made in 1964. I disagreed and told him it was 1966 and suggested he refer to his car manual. A typical disagreement. He then sent me a private message "take some more meds you nutcase".
I spent the next 4 weeks or so stewing over if I'd provoked him, re-read the previous posts then questioned two other close members on the topic. Even their endorsement didnt lower my agitation and guilt. Then I googled his name....wow! There were many entries on google referring to similar conflicts on a fishing forum, also a community forum. I read these thoroughly and realised this fellow could go under the umbrella of confrontationalist.
That made me feel better. Once I expose such facts to myself I move on because I have a belief that such people find trouble with others wherever they go. In fact he upset many others soon after my ordeal.
We on the receiving end should not harbour guilt as long as we have not inflamed the situation with any verbal or physical abuse. No matter how civil we are towards others, conflict will come. We should, as a prevention of self hurt, maintain civility and try to accept that there is behaviour in our world that has an explanation we often dont get to realise...but it isnt the bullied that should suffer.
We can, through our mental illness, have symptoms that effect others like, moods, mania, anxiety and so on but it pales low in comparison to some actions by some in society.
Dont blame yourself if you are bullied and maintain civility, maturity and judgement that you have done nothing wrong.
WK
It seems you're settling in well here, and thats good to see. Its a good place to be.
