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new and hurting and hoping

Jaye-KayContributor12 Jan 2016, 10:58 am AEDT

new and hurting and hoping

I am in my fifties. I have just identified Complex Post Tramuatic Stress Disorder as the essential cause of the "daemons" that have intermittently haunted me for most of my life, and the periods of struggle I have had through adulthood - having their origins in a pretty messed up childhood. I am hurting - bad - and yet I am hopeful. starting therapy (gestalt focus) this week

I am socially quite isolated, for a variety of reasons, including physical health, location and finances - so I figured a forum might be a good way to connect, have a safe space and some sense of community

I am also supporting (via telephone someone at a distance) with severe - family-related - depression. things are tough. Got to have hope .... it's tough when I get very tired and the hope seems to drain out of me

when I get into very flooded phases, such as now - I feel weary ... and like I do not belong on this planet or anywhere

5 replies

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In response to: new and hurting and hoping

Unknown userMember12 Jan 2016, 2:56 pm AEDT

Re: new and hurting and hoping

Hi @Jaye-Kay,

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing some information about yourself. Sounds like you're looking after yourself and someone else at the same time in an isolated environment.

Please feel free to search key words to explore more topics and posts that you found related to your circumstances. For example if you key in `PTSD' and `mood' on the search bar a lot of old and new posts would come up for you to read.

People here are really friendly and supportive so I hope you'll find the same 🙂

Take care,

Sky

In response to: Re: new and hurting and hoping

Jaye-KayContributor12 Jan 2016, 5:16 pm AEDT

Re: new and hurting and hoping

thank you for welcoming me, sky. today is a very bad day for me. it is hard to listen to my daughter's pain, via phone, across the world - and wishing I could wrap my arms around her: and it is hard to be ignored by the rest of the family (long, long story) when I am in so much pain and a lot of childhood trauma reactivatedand it is hard gong through this in a very inaccessible area, where we live.

today I started crying and collapsed on the floor, pretty much sobbing and howling but I had to quickly get up and close the windows so the neighbours did not hear and that made me feel even worse, so alone. I obsessively check my emails to see if any of my family have replied to me but they have not. (I did not send them anything nnappriopriate by the way, I am sure of that: distressed, but not inappropriate....)

now I need to get the strength to make a 2 hour bike ride to go to a support group, a new one. 2 hour meeting. rest. then 2 hours back home, late evening.

six and a half hours to make a connection to be with other people. it's got to be worth it, right? but I am so exhausted. then wake up and talk across the world with daughter again - and if I sound self-pitying, it's cause I just feel very exhausted and unsupported. I'll get over it but right now I just feel miserable and so exhausted, the strength is draining from me. wish me luck to do this bike ride.

In response to: new and hurting and hoping

Unknown userMember12 Jan 2016, 7:10 pm AEDT

Re: new and hurting and hoping

Hi @jaye-Kaye welcome to the forums. I also have cptsd and struggle through a lot of hurt and grief feelings. Even though it's so hard I do think getting help and opening up the past does help, well it has helped me anyways... Some days it's hard to remember that I have moved forwards a long way.
I'm glad you are here and I hope that your meeting is good and worth such a massive effort!
Good luck - feel free to vent and share - its not complaining to be heard when you're hurting
Lj

In response to: Re: new and hurting and hoping

SCORPIONSenior Contributor12 Jan 2016, 9:47 pm AEDT

Re: new and hurting and hoping

Hi @jaye-Kaye
Welcome to a great place very good listeners here. Many including myself have pstd and depression. Just reading others stories and methods of copying has helped me to realize that we are not alone, though in the depths off despair itshard to rremember that there is so much love and understanding here. The journey is different for us all but and I wish you all the best in yours.
Scorpion

In response to: Re: new and hurting and hoping

Jaye-KayContributor13 Jan 2016, 10:15 am AEDT

Re: new and hurting and hoping

thank you so much, also, Lisajane and Scorpion for welcoming me and for your warm replies, I feel so relieved. also just want to encourage others: I did go to the new support group yesterday and it was great! a long wa to go and tiring but so worth it: very positive and welcoming atmosphere. o my encouragement is, to others: if you have isoalted, and feel you need more connection, do seek out a group which can just help you fffeel more belonging. you might not find what's right for you, straight away - but it is out there, so keep looking and hoping. belonging is important, loneliness can be toxic...... and make us feel worse about ourselves

I have a lot of work and healing to do - but at least it doesn't have to be in isolation. and just touching base here? that sure helps a lot, too

thank you - also it helps to know that others understand what trauma is.

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