I can’t do it and I can’t Walk away what can I do

I agree with @Appleblossom ...... we can only do what we know how to do at the time ...... and as we learn more, we can do more, or we can just stand by, having done as much as we are able to.

It is necessary that you look after you @Former-Member ...... and I too am glad to see you back here, albeit under better circumstances.

As it turns out, the eating disorder issues that beought me here in the first place appear now to be symptomatic of inter-generational illness ...... something I didn’t see coming, nor could I know what to do or not do in support of it ...... but as it has now rolled forward into some of our own offspring, we are doing something in suooort of it now.

It also appears that this generation are to be the teachers for the older ones, because this generation is undergoing therapy, and as a result, are sharing some do’s and dont’s ......

Hi @Former-Member

I am almost certain that just about every carer has thought all would have been well (or very different) "if only I had ....." There are of course no guarantees that this would have been so, things could have been worse.

As a partner, a sibling or a parent we do not come with a built in medical compendium or "how to" manual. We respond to situations the best we can with the knowledge and resources we have.

Finding out our loved ones have a chronic mental illness often comes at a time of crisis. Learning what we can do so that there are better outcomes for not only the patient but all family members can induce feelings of shame as we realise that the way we responded in the past was perhaps not the most helpful. This does not make us responsible for our loved ones illness or the choices they make.

It is never too late to make changes that will help with our own wellness and that of our family. I see a counselor and have made changes to help me cope. One thing I have realised is that no one is exempt from difficulties.

One thing that really helped me to deal with my husbands diagnosis was the Fresh Hope tenets, a bit along AA lines, Fresh Hope have carer statements like this:

My loved one’s mental health challenge has also left me feeling helpless and hopeless. Therefore, I choose the help of others in learning about the disorder and choosing healthy boundaries for myself.

I haven’t always responded to my loved one’s mental health issue in ways that were good for the relationship. Therefore, I choose to learn better ways to communicate with, support, and encourage my loved one.

At times I also feel hopeless, letting my loved one’s actions and recovery define my happiness. Therefore, I choose to live with healthy emotional boundaries, and I choose my own joy despite the ups and downs of my loved one.

The Fresh Hope website is so very helpful, it is religious but please don't let this put you off. They have practical advice and do not shy away from just how difficult a diagnosis can be (NOT pray and it will go away).

https://freshhope.us/about-fresh-hope/

It has put a smile on my face to read the responses here. Thanks for replying.