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Something’s not right

The panic room!

The panic room!

I just had a panic attack. I'm still feeling rather rattled from it. It was all about my studying. I literally was so wound up I was sick. I was also shaking and had a dry mouth.

Why do I panic so much about this subject? Is it the pressures to succeed (everyone thinks I should ace this course because I had an IQ test when I was young and it was Mensa material). I think I'm no more intelligent than the next person, I'm average, I just managed to somehow fluke the IQ test. I've been told I must top the class or face humiliation. I am really feeling the pressure in everyday life. I am desperate to succeed in this course, to make my family proud of me, but at the same time, I despise my studies due to the anxiety and panic attacks I keep on having surrounding it.

I tried to talk to my therapist about it, that is why she tried to hypnotise me (to somehow 'switch off' the anxiety and replace it with confidence). I have a major assessment tomorrow I am not prepared for I feel sick every time I log into the learning portal and it takes hours to calm down. I've finished one question out of eight and it was due Friday. Should I just give up? I guess not because this is a major goal for me. I'm just (excuse the pun) sick of feeling awful about it.

10 replies

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In response to: The panic room!

Re: The panic room!

@Queenie Oh Queenie personally I would push through as well as you can. You are only answerable to yourself no one else. If you put in the hard work you will succeed. You are an intelligent woman who can do this. Just take deep breaths have faith in yourself and to be honest here if you fall on your face it is not without you trying your best which is the main thing.

Just remember all you need is a pass regardless of what family and friends think and the rest is a bonus 🙂

In response to: Re: The panic room!

Re: The panic room!

Thanks @Bunniekins for your words of wisdom. I am so far taking little breaks in between questions but it is difficult to concentrate between the Mrs playing music and my MIL yelling at her games on her phone. It is just feeding my panic. I'm not going to give up as much as I want to and think about giving in. It probably doesn't help I'm on a low at the moment and living pretty much day to day.

I'll keep going and chipping away at it. The teacher is pretty flexible with due dates but I have to get it done to prove mainly to myself, that I can do it under pressure. I used to be able to work under pressure quite well, it just seems all that has gone flying out the window.

In response to: Re: The panic room!

Re: The panic room!

@Queenie I hear you Queenie.

In response to: Re: The panic room!

Re: The panic room!

Hi @Queenie - i hear so much pressure in how it all feels.. I do similar to myself with work, and my perfectionist nature takes over and im so overwhelmed that i feel frozen. I also get physically sick when very stressed... its not a nice way to feel. I dont have much advice, just wanted you to know i can relate. When im feeling more well, i'm able to manage better but as soon as the depression starts creeping in i find it so hard and then end up with the massive anxiety worrying over it too...
Its great to hear that the teacher is flexible and that you are going to keep at it. perhaps breaking it down into one question at a time instead of viewing it as a whole assignment might help at the moment... My psychologist used to remind me that it was me putting most of the pressure on myself about how it needed to be done and to what standard but im not sure that ever helped much or perhaps i just didnt/couldnt figure out a way to change it or feel lesspressure no matter where it comes from..
Tae care

In response to: The panic room!

Re: The panic room!

Hi, I can relate re: the panic attacks...I've had a few myself, and was shocked to see how much my body reacted to my thoughts. It was quite a surprise! I have had a bit of counselling and take medication now and I have the tools to "interupt" all those feelings before they blow up.

I understand how you want to make your parents proud, but my advice would be, just do your best and and don't put so much pressure on yourself, whatever happens, happens - you'll still be you. (it's taken me 56 years to get to that point myself,lol)

and...breath!

Cheers Libra, and good luck xo

In response to: Re: The panic room!

Re: The panic room!

Do you want to do it? I wouldn't worry about expectations that much if i were you, they are making you sick. That's what other people want for you, what do you want for yourself?

I understand the pressure but you clearly haven't set up an appopriate studying environment or you can't handle the work load it's that simple.

There's no reason for you to have a panic attack when you're studying in a sound environment. Perhaps this is all related back to your psychosis, I've been going through them at the moment as well for no reason at all.

Hope you're well, if your environment in annoying you change it it's really that simple... eat healthy... do exercise... these are all things that help.

In response to: Re: The panic room!

Re: The panic room!

Nah dont give up @Queenie

You are such a fighter. Keep chipping away. This lady was a fighter too.

Cheers

In response to: Re: The panic room!

Re: The panic room!

Thank you so much everyone for your kind responses! I truly do appreciate them.

I ended up talking to my teacher today about my anxiety and how it is fuelling panic attacks and a whole range of negative mental health symptoms (like depression and psychotic thinking). She was actually really receptive to what I had to say as she had no idea I was suffering so much. I told her I am going to organise a stay at a peer-run recovery facility (I am just waiting to hear back from the organisation about vacancies from mid to late May). She also said I write assessments really well and that no student of hers has plain sailing through the course, so I should be proud of my accomplishments.

I was nervous to the max about an oral assessment I had to do today, but despite my anxiety and a few pauses to gather my thoughts, I passed. I feel relieved a little. I was told the biggest subject I have in the course is about mental health. Strangely I feel comfortable about that subject (probably because it is something I know well).

I'll still seek support from my psychologist until my mhcp runs out. With her, I hope to learn strategies I can use to help anxiety from snowballing into panic.

Thanks everyone!

In response to: Re: The panic room!

Re: The panic room!

Well done on getting through your presentation today @Queenie - not easy! And i think it was great that you were able to speak so openly with your lecturer today as you were then able to get some really good feedback that might help you (reassure?) you for future assignments...
I hope that you hear back soon about a placement at the recovery facility, its sounded like you've been in a lot of need for a rest and a bit of extra support for a while now...
its so frustrating to me that the Mhcp have only 10 sessions, the plans should be made according to need not budgets... sigh. sorry.
Hope you're having an ok evening..

In response to: Re: The panic room!

Re: The panic room!

I just had another panic attack. This time I was nauseous and shaking. I really hate them!

I'm okay now but it was a horrible experience.

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