Watching my bipolar partner self-destruct. Help me understand.

Hi Sallee and welcome to Forumland. This would be the third time I have attempted to answer your question 'What makes someone with Bipolar turn against their loved and lioving closest best friend and life partner?' it is a tough one....

I have Bipolar1 and schizoaffective disorder and when I was unmedicated people around me would have said that I was trying to push them away but that was never my intent ... I was just so sick I didnt know what was real and what wasnt. I can only speak for myself and say that I was so sick I didnt even know that I was sick. I basically had to crash and burn before I could got the help that I needed no one could do it for me.

My advice is to keep the doors of communication open with your partner but only at a level which is safe for you. You have to protect yourself. You cannot help your partner if you become exhausted and rundown in the process.

I will tag @Queenie in as she is a community guide and a really nice woman who is living with (bipolar1 and schizoaffective disorder as well). She might be able to give you move ideas on how to look after your own well being than I can. Good luck. gp

@Sallee Hi Sallee for me I spent a whole heap of time apologizing for my behaviour. In saying that though some of what I did comes and goes in my mind sometimes I simply cannot remember what I did ... it is very strange but true.

It is an awful disorder but with the right medications and medical help people can lead great lives albeit with the occassional hiccup along the way.

Just make sure you look after yourself. 🙂

@Bunniekinspoint to keep doors open for him ... but at a level that is safe for you is important.

Also that there can be a push-pull in relationships. A psychologist once explained part of it is the fear of getting swamped or merged so and the need to re-assert personal boundaries but there might be over correction happening. It is terribly sad when a marriage breaks down, but dont take on too much toxicity as that does not help ...

Good Luck @Sallee

Hey @Sallee and welcome to SANE. Apologies it has taken a few days to see @Bunniekins's tag, as I haven't been online until now (I have been unwell of late).

It is important to note the two aspects of bipolar, the highs and the lows. For me, at both ends of the spectrum, I lose touch with reality and push away those I love most. In the past I have ruined relationships and friendships because I lost insight into my illness. Insight is a wonderful thing because it allows us, as the person with lived experience, see what we have is an illness and for the most part there is help available for us.

How long has it been since your partner has been diagnosed @Sallee? If it is a relatively new diagnosis, it may be that he has not yet gained insight into his illness (what the early warning signs are, what are his triggers, how to implement a safety plan if needed etc). For me, it took years of episodes of being unwell before I gained much insight into my mental health issues.

It must be terribly difficult watching someone you love self-destruct. Please know there are others here in on the Forum who are willing to listen and who understand.

I am so glad to hear your partner has gained some insight into his illness. It's a terrible tragedy that it has come at such a cost to your relationship with him. I know in the past my illness has caused some terrible effects on relationships, all because of lack of insight.

I hope if you still want the relationship, that it is repairable. If not, I can totally understand your reasoning in walking away.

Remember to be kind to yourself.

@Sallee Hi Sallee that is indeed good news on your partner, The fact he has a bit of inseight as Queenie says into what is happening is a great step forward. I can imagine the trail of destruction that he has left behind .... I did too but have been on medication for a little while now and with the support of family have made great improvements. Just remember you cannot be there for him if you dont look after yourself 🙂