Bpd advise? Help!!

Hi Whoarewe, It is Marchhare here. I am one of the forum moderators. Welcome to the forums. I am sure you will get some good support and advice from the forum members here.

It sounds as if you have been having emotional problems for a while now. Meanwhile you say that you do not have the money for a therapist. Have you contacted your doctor about getting some free counselling services from a psychologist? That may be of some help for you.

Thank you for posting tonight.

Hello @Whoarewe @show_me_gray, @Wonderingsoul

Hi @Whoarewe,

Welcome to the forums. It sounds like you are realling struggling right now. It also sounds like while you might be struggling to control your emotions and symptoms, you have a lot of insight about them! Self awareness and knowing what you want to change is such a huge leap forward on the journey to recovery. I hope that you will keep reaching out and getting treatment, it sounds like you might be making more progress than you realise.

In regards to advice you might find these blogs and resources helpful here and here

Hey Whoarewe,

Recovered BPD here. I have had to quit alcohol while suffering BPD and man that was a nightmare. It was a real haze of despair panic and confusion, and took quite a while to bounce back from. Alcohol addiction services are free and were incredibly helpful for me if thats something you want to try out? This was my main form of counselling support as I had little money as well.

Your stuff about feeling like you can;t control yourself, job stuff, feeling more in control when you are alone, no friends ect I really relate to. Back when I had all that going on I shut off from everything and everyone, thinking I would rather have nothing than deal with the pain of losing anymore. I was a lot more emotionally stable but it was so despairing. It wasn't til years later of having nothing, I realised I'd forced myself to get exactly what I was scared of losing.

In my expereince with my partner, being open and vulnerable (despite an overwhelming urge to shut off in self defence) made things functional. I still ask for reassurance often, and then laugh at my irrational fears with him. If I feel like pushing him away I make myself wait til the next day to act on it, or the next week depending on the seriousness of the issue - I find usually once I am calmer I realise I am only reacting to a panic. It can be difficult to navigate these ups-and-downs though - sometimes there is a good reason to push someone away so it is important to think about it properly when you are calm.

I hope things get better for you. Please know you that your outbursts are not ridiculous - you're brain is just in over-ride atm!