Obsession and intrusive thoughts over my late mother.. help

Hi guys, i am new to this space. 🙂

I have been suffering from OCD since i was a kid and it's since then been on and off - sometimes moderate, sometimes it drives me crazy. i have since learned to resist physical compulsions so now it's all in my head.

My mother passed away more than a year ago but recently in this few months my OCD rocketed - no matter what i do or where i am, i get intrusive thoughts over my mother. my 'compulsions' are mostly mental where i have to assure myself, reason things out, and so on...

The worst thing is, my OCD thoughts often include 'realistic' things like past events where i made my mother upset, etc.. these thoughts i can't ignore, if not i will feel guilty. i often have to list out reasons and justifications. for example, i could be eating spaghetti and i get reminded of how i used to complain about the spaghetti my mother cooked. then i would start reasoning to myself things like "its okay she would forgive me because....." and so on.

having dealt with ocd for so many years and overcoming physical compulsions, i find this time really tough as it involves my very own mother, something personal to me..

(also i used to take medication, i've since stoopped when i got better, i think i will go bac to the doctors to get it restocked)

Thanks guys for listening. I dont have anyone to tell.