Into the abyss

Hi. I am a wife and a mother to a foster child. We tried adoption for years after getting sick and beocming infertile. My husband has been made redundant. My mum is 80 and is in pain all the time with a bad back and needs support. she lives half an hour away and I work full time so it's hard to give her what she needs. My dad is also about to turn 80 and I have contributed very little to organising for a clebration leaving it up to his family. My parents are divorced. My best friend's husband is sick and in hospital with a life threatening infection. Every other person I know is sick of hearing from me about my woes. My son is fostered and has many needs. I just want respite and exit plans are looking attractive. My husband doesn’t get depression. He thinks I should just get a grip, take my meds and stop complaining. I take my meds every day. But I don’t feel any better. And I feel so lonely. I am not meeting anyone’s needs properly. My son told me yesterday that his head loves me but his body hates me. I know that feeling. I was once trapped in a loveless relationship. He said his real Mum doesn’t want him to love other families. I understand it’s hard because he is fostered and we are not perfect. I know it's normal for kids who are fostered to say stuff like that. But I think her really means it. It doesnt seem to matter how much love I invest in him, I will never be enough. I wish I could be a better person and just manage. But I am not. I just want to talk to someone who won't judge me.