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Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

Unknown userMember24 Feb 2018, 1:48 pm AEDT

Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

Hello all,

I realised while in hospital that i have to increase social contact. That is nice thinking when in hospital and pretty easy done when in hospital.

Yesterday I met a group of people. It was work related, but people I never met before. Eventually it came to the question, what do you do and I said ‘nothing’. They asked what my background was and I told them. Then they asked if I’m looking for work and I said ‘no’. They said why, and I said I was sick. Dead pause. I stopped talking, they stopped talking.

I am really upset.

9 replies

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In response to: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

NikNikSenior Contributor27 Feb 2018, 11:02 am AEDT

Re: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

Hi @Former-Member
Firstly, I just wanted to apologise because it seemed your post disappeared randomly, which is why you don't have any replies.

Secondly, I'm sorry to hear you had that experience - I think many people here will be able to relate to your experience.
I think you showed a lot of bravery being upfront about your situation. It may have made people unsure how to respond - but I think it's important for people to have exposure to different people's realities.
I hope it hasn't disheartened you to continue to connect with them and others.
Have others here had this experience?

In response to: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

Unknown userMember27 Feb 2018, 11:07 am AEDT

Re: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

I find people a single parent makes it hard getting to know others. I struggle with it at times & also struggle with trust issues because of it. I care for my child 24/7 so socialising just goes out the window most times or if i am with mates i find it hard being able to connect with them as i am attending my daughter. It's difficult

In response to: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

Unknown userMember27 Feb 2018, 11:07 am AEDT

Re: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

*being sorry autocorrect

In response to: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor28 Feb 2018, 3:18 pm AEDT

Re: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

Hi @Former-Member and @Former-Member,

I can very much relate to the trickiness of this situation. One of the (many) reasons why I avoid social interaction is because I hate the "what do you do" question. It super sucks that we live in a society where people immediately make assumptions about us based on how we respond to that question. I'm afraid I don't have any answers for you @Former-Member. For me, the answer is to avoid human contact. However, I'm definitely not putting that out there as an ideal solution.

By the way, @Former-Member I just went to respond to your post on PTSD vs C-PTSD that I read this morning, but it seems to have disappeared. I'm not sure if you removed it or whether this is another case of a post mysteriously vanishing like how @NikNik mentioned your initial post on this thread vanished.

In response to: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

Unknown userMember28 Feb 2018, 5:51 pm AEDT

Re: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

Hi @Phoenix_Rising

I had it removed. I struggle with the comparison. I really struggle. And I feel stupid about it all, making contact, trying to be social, trying to understand my experiences... it’s just all too hard. And I think hiding is probably a good solution. I hate myself for it. I hate stigma and the world we live in. I try to be fixed. But what is fixed? I was highly functional and it just all came back to hunt me down. Why do I have to do the hard work? I didn’t f up in the first place. I’m very angry today.

In response to: Re: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor28 Feb 2018, 5:56 pm AEDT

Re: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

Hi @Former-Member,

I hate stigma too.

If you still want to have the conversation about PTSD vs C-PTSD, I'd be happy to chat about it.

I guess "fixed" means different things for different people. For me, my goal in therapy is to be able to gain and sustain employment.

In response to: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

Unknown userMember28 Feb 2018, 10:08 pm AEDT

Re: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

Hi @Phoenix_Rising

What are you thoughts on PTSD & complex PTSD?

Fixed for me at the moment is becoming a bit more stable in my thoughts and emotions and to find healthier coping strategies.

In response to: Re: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor04 Mar 2018, 2:27 pm AEDT

Re: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

Hi @Former-Member

I try and remain a little social, but not talk too much. About 15 years ago I had been very isolated, mainly in the family. My feeling and thinking became more unhinged when I was that isolated. My family were not there for me.It was one way only, me giving. I realise that others are struggling even if they are not struggling as much as I, though at times I meet those that have it tougher. When I felt so separate from others it increased my anger at the world. I wanted to meet people that did not make me want to meave the planet. And amazingly I did. Not close people, as by my age everybody has baggage and commitments and health issues, but good decent people who were decent to me. I could not ask for more from them and it made a difference to be appreciated in my artistic and creative community.

SOmetimes I am tongue tied. Sometimes I manage situations like in your first post more smoothly. Sometimes I am too confrontational without meaning to be and asked once for a choir to be supportive of a suicide prevention initiative. That failed and hurt but somehow I moved on and keep at it and there are consolations.

Take care.

Apple

In response to: Re: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

tabbyContributor05 Mar 2018, 4:29 pm AEDT

Re: Small talk - how do you talk to new people?

Perfectly written, that's me in a nutshell ty 👍🏼

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